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The 10 Commandments of Thanksgiving

By on November 26, 2014

Thanksgiving List 1

Written by Karalyn Dane. Karalyn, the newest member of the Jewrotica team, is the author of Sweet Dreams.

Rated PG1. The person carving the turkey is Lord of the table. Though shalt not discuss your new-found vegetarianism as the turkey is being carved, or at least not while he’s holding the knife.

2. You must have no other sexual orientation other than the one everybody already knows about. Trust me, this is not a good time to make any announcements unless you know it will lead to a mazal tov (see commandment #1 re: knife).

3. Do not drink too much, lest yourshikker (drunken) state cause you to reveal too much about your personal life. It is likely you will pay for these slip-ups for a few decades, if not generations.

4. Thou shall be gracious and kind to everyone at the table and not make any sexual innuendos about breasts, thighs, mounds of mashed potatoes, stuffing or gravy.

5. DO NOT bite the hand that feeds you no matter how much you want to.

6. Thou shalt not present any new body piercings or tattoos at the thanksgiving table.

7. Honor you father and mother so that they will continue to help pay for things. Kvetch (complain) too much and they might stop.

8. Do not do anything inappropriate at the table, on the table or under the table, at least until the table has been cleared and everyone has gone to sleep.

9. Do not covet thy sister’s boyfriend, thy brother’s girlfriend, thy cousin, aunt, uncle, niece or nephew, because it is likely you will never live it down nor be allowed to ever forget it and it will likely be the topic of conversation at every future thanksgiving meal so long as you both shall live.

10. Remember that this is your family and no matter how crazy they drive you, you will be going home soon.

Staff writer and editor at Jewrotica, Karalyn Dane is a poet and a novelist with a penchant for beer and unusual vegetables. She may or may not live out the many fantasies that she writes about on this site.
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