Written by Davida. Davida is a first-time Jewrotica writer.
It’s mikvah night and we are not talking.
He makes an offhand remark. It’s something that triggers my ire every single time he brings it up – but he does it just as I am leaving to dunk.
The whole time I am preparing my body, the dark cloud of anger hangs over me. It twists and turns in my gut. I am resentful that I have to do all of this work to sanctify myself when he’s made me so angry.
I’ve missed him, physically. The dreams I’ve had the last few nights have been X-rated. I want nothing more than to be naked next to him, under him, on top of him…
I dip into the water. I make the blessing. I get out and get dressed while a tempest still brews within. I come home and ignore him. I really want to run to him, to plaster myself against him, to tell him I cannot wait for him to be inside me, as soon as the kids are asleep – but I can’t. I am too pissed off. I crave him but I won’t let myself give in.
We’re both busy with the kids. My storm cloud is still hovering. He gives me a wide berth. It’s a smart move, yet a dumb one. All he needs to say is he’s sorry and I’ll melt in his arms. How can he not know that by now?
We head to bed. I’m sniffling into my pillow – I hate being mad at him. He’s lying next to me sighing and rolling his eyes. We eventually talk – he won’t apologize even though he knows that by apologizing he’ll get some. It’s more important to be right.
I am even more upset and cry harder. All I want is an apology so we can have some sex. At some point my tears start to bother him. He begins to feel like he ought to do something. He puts his hand lightly on my thigh – not moving it, just leaving it there. An invitation? An olive branch? I ignore it. I don’t move.
He moves his hand to my back. He strokes me on top of my grandma pajamas – the sex-repellers. I feel my resolve start to weaken. I haven’t had the pleasure of touch in 12 days. It’s a drug I’m craving.
He turns me around to face him. He holds me close, strokes my hair, wipes the tears off my face. He whispers “I’m sorry.” I say nothing. I feel him naked next to me, throbbing against my thigh. 0-60 in .4 seconds. He touches me and is raring to go. I tell myself he has to work for it.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
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