IV: Coming Out, Sort Of
In the ’90s, Ben Folds wrote an anthem for Off-the-Derech kids everywhere. “Brick” may have been about an abortion, but it applies to any situation you’d hide from your parents. Eight months into my relationship with “Q,” I realized that my circumstance—my entire life—was unsustainable. Mostly, “I broke down cause I was tired of lying.”
There is no good way to break someone’s heart, no good interlude in which you can casually drop this kind of revelation. You just have to hope that you’re doing the right thing; that somehow everything will knit itself back together.
My mother and I were baking cookies before shabbat. The place smelled like cocoa and vanilla and walnuts. We were both wearing aprons. It was a made-for-TV moment, the kind that someone inevitably ruins because there is no story without a conflict.
I thought about that as I said “Um … Mommy? I have something to tell you.”
Telling the truth feels a lot like stripping yourself naked. I had lived for so long with this carapace, this illusion that I was a Good Kid, doing the Right Things, that I felt like I was peeling off my own skin. Taking responsibility in a way that was entirely new.
We cried and hugged a lot that day.
I would be lying if I said that everything is hunky-dory. My mother is, to put it lightly, not thrilled, my father still happily oblivious. But I had underestimated the depth of my mother’s love for me, misjudged it against the depth of her religious conviction. She spoke to “Q” on the phone the other night, and seemed both surprised and pleased that “he’s so nice!”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling despite myself. “He’s okay, I guess.” An apt description of the state of things in general: coming out to my mom was hard for both of us. This is not how we imagined my adulthood would go.
But right now, it’s okay.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Jewrotica rocks. It’s funny, it’s informative, it’s sexy, it’s interesting. Check it out!
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
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