III: What to Expect When You’re Interfaith-Dating
Expect to explain everything.
Expect that your Orthodox friends will alienate him—b’shogeg, but still—by talking about the Agudah and Moshava and a recent date at Pardes until he breaks in, very politely, with an “um … what?” Expect to become a whispering translator, adept at sneaking a quick explanation in the lull between conversational topics. (Simple conversations spiral into endless tangents of explication, an assault of verbal hyperlinks.) Expect palpable discomfort when he realizes that his instinctively proffered handshake just made your female friend feel super awkward. Expect to feel like the worst teacher on the planet, torn between your own post-Orthodoxy and your desire to make Judaism seem like it makes sense.
Expect to feel like a jerk when you hear the condescension in your own voice as you embark on a conversational Hebrew lesson: “Eizeh tzeva zeh?” (“what color is this?) you ask, pointing at a nearby car and wincing. You sound like a kindergarten teacher. To his credit, he says only “adom,” (red) and asks you to hand him his “mishkafei shemesh” (sunglasses).
When contemplating your future together, expect anguish. When wondering how to explain this to your parents: expect to fudge, to omit, to prevaricate. Expect lie after lie to pile on you until you are Atlas, struggling under the weight of this huge, fake world that you have built for your parents to live in, the world in which you went on all those vacations with your friend “Arianne.” The world in which you live with your friend “Ramona.” The world in which you just aren’t dating right now, thank you.
Expect those lies to hurt more and more every time you mouth them.
My parents know that I am not exactly Orthodox, but under their roof, I maintain strict adherence to ritual, out of tradition and respect. Beliefs are thornier: ungovernable and private. It is only when they spill out, becoming reified and obvious, that they are a problem. “Q” is six feet and 150 pounds of Problem. He is a choice that I made. There is no way to pretend he isn’t there.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Jewrotica rocks. It’s funny, it’s informative, it’s sexy, it’s interesting. Check it out!
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
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