120 Lines About 60 Women

Written by Anonymous.  Be advised that the video below contains jarring images and the writing in this piece may be slightly abrasive, hence the “R” rating.

This confessional was inspired by the song “88 lines about 44 Women” by The Nails. The song appeared on the band’s 1984 album “Mood Swings” and peaked at #46 on the US dance chart in March of 1985. The song still appears on compilations and was remastered and re-released in 2009. While the song’s references to masturbation and S&M are a bit risqué, I always enjoyed the idea of writing an homage to the women in your past.

My version is more like 120 lines about 60 women, and it has no rhyme or cadence. But keep in mind that Campbell originally wrote this in the late 70s when he was much younger (19), and he still had 44 women to write about. I’m about 15 years older than Marc was when he wrote the song, so I don’t think that 60 makes me a man whore. Or maybe it does. Sue me, I’m anonymous.

I tagged every paragraph here with a single relevant fact related to how or where we met and whether or not the woman in question was Jewish. In that respect, I suppose this list demonstrates the influence of Judaism and Israel on my life so far. I don’t claim to be representative of my generation, but I can tell you that if my father ever put together a list like this, it would be a lot different. And that’s an understatement. I think when I finally settle down, it will be with someone Jewish, but you never know.

Beyond that, all the names have been changed to protect the innocent, and, primarily, to protect me. Some of these women are fierce! What I can reveal are the following statistical facts. The age range between the youngest and the oldest woman listed is approximately 27 years. Of these women, 11 are natural blonds and 6 are natural red heads. Forty-two are Jewish and 18 are not.

Of the Jewish women at least three are now married and ultra-Orthodox and at least 12 are in a relationship with or married to non-Jews. There are only 4 Asians among the 18 non-Jewish women. Of the 60 women listed, at least 9 now have children. Only 4 did not complete or attend college, 21 have advanced degrees and 3 have a PhD. All, as far as I know, are alive and well and I wish them the best.

1. Rachel: I lost my virginity to you. To this day you have no idea.
#Israel Trip #Jewish

2. Cindy: I said “no” when you asked me to spank you. But I liked that you enjoyed it.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

3. Barbara: I hated the taste of cigarettes on your breath. Luckily my cock has no sense of taste.
#School #Jewish

4. Bonnie: I dated you because of where you lived. And how soft your skin was.
#Library #Jewish

6. Marnie: That wasn’t my apartment. But then you got engaged three weeks later to a Chabad guy, so we’re even.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

6. Nurit: You dumped me for my friend and then you came back. I didn’t take you back because you pretty much suck.
#Israel Trip #Jewish

7. Ronny: Every time you cheated on me, I cheated back. I regret not breaking up with you much sooner.
#Israel Trip #Jewish

8. Nancy: Steaming up your Jeep windows was fun. I would have called you back but I didn’t think you liked me.
#School #Jewish

9. Sheila: I enjoyed the sex and the danger a lot. But I never thought you were very smart.
#Israel Trip #Jewish

10. Amanda: I still pass by that hotel. How did we ever find that empty room?
#Israel Trip #Jewish

11. Jody: No, I don’t really enjoy anal. It’s just I only had one condom.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

12. Lori A.: You practically raped me. That’s why I never called back.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

13. Leah: We both knew it was wrong. I should have pursued it further anyway.
#School #Jewish

14. Shelly: The back seat of a Honda is no place to lose your virginity. I should have made things better.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

15. Shaindy: We had great fun! Sorry your parents married you off a month later, I assume that was my fault.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

16. Michal: Damn you were energetic! And yes, those pants made your ass look big – keep in mind you weigh 110 llbs.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

17. Michelle: I only flirted with that girl, I swear. I still look for you on the Internet.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

18. Jessica: Your eyes were beautiful. Sorry if I seemed mean.
#Jewish Event #Jewish

19. Clara: You were like a dream. I often wonder what became of you.
#Bar/Club #Interfaith

20. Lori C.: You practically raped me. That’s why I never called back.
#School #Jewish

21. Athena: You were definitely attractive. But the fact that your Dad was a pastor did not go unnoticed.
#Club/Bar #Interfaith

22. Nadine: The reason I gave for breaking up with you was a lie. Our timing was all kinds of off.
#Club/Bar #Interfaith

23. Miriam: Was that really a bathroom at the Chabad House? But there was no way it was going to go beyond that.
#School #Jewish

24. Nathalie: Mile high club was excellent. But when I caught you lying I was actually relieved.
#Travel #Interfaith

25. Lisa: I’m glad we got together when we did. That’s even though I knew it wasn’t going to last.
#Club/Bar #Jewish

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