When the day of The Event finally dawned, Sydney woke to the sight of her mother hauling cartons labeled Kosher Mart up to her deck and shouting directions to Sydney’s father as he followed her with even more cartons and bags. When Sydney came out to greet them, toothbrush in hand, wondering what time they had started, Goldie declared, “I was worried that you couldn’t get the good stuff here in God’s Country. So I bought a little extra, just in case. Ah good, I can use this tray? It’s fleishig?” Sydney nodded dumbly and watched Goldie upend a box of hot dogs onto the largest tray she owned.
Some hours later, sitting on her back porch, Sydney was high as a kite. She hadn’t been this wasted since college. She stared at the pounds of potato, cole slaw, and macaroni salad, the mountain of hot dogs and hamburgers, the platters of corned beef and pastrami, the industrial sized jars of ketchup and mustard, the cartons of coke, diet and regular, and one lone six pack of beer cluttering the table on her screened-in deck. She watched her Aunt Mildred pile yet another slice of beef on top of the salad monument she had just finished sculpting. Mildred took three steps backward before lowering her ample backside directly into her seat without upsetting a single item on her plate. The move displayed her years of training. The heaping mess of mayonnaise, potato and beef had barely budged. Remarkable. Sydney was about to award her a perfect 10 when Mildred ruined it all by calling out, “Zolly, oy, I forgot. Bring me a soda, would you tatela? Be a good boy.”
Zolly. It was his fault that the world around Sydney was slipping in and out of focus.
When he had arrived a few hours into Goldie’s manic preparations, Sydney jumped into his car to show him the spot by the lake where he could park. That was when he’d whipped out the joint, and after he and Nancy toked away they turned to offer it to Sydney. Not wanting to be a buzzkill, but wondering, worrying really, about the effect on their still nameless, oddly unobtrusive toddler strapped into the carseat alongside her, Sydney took her first hit of pot in years. Suppressing her concern about the baby, she took another hit, and another. Then she came back home to face her family barbecue.
Sydney grabbed another of Esti’s cookies. She had the munchies. Even so, she wasn’t coming close to eating what the rest of her extended family was packing away. She turned away from the cookies and caught whatshisname with his camera lining up another shot. Of her crotch. He’d been doing that all day. Maybe she shouldn’t have worn a bathing suit? The point was for everyone to go to the lake, but so far nobody had ventured too far from the table.
At least Michael wasn’t here. Sydney had told him about this party, and though she assured him that he was, of course, invited, she also warned him that unless he wanted to suffer the Jewish Inquisition, which would make the Spanish one seem like a weak opening act, he shouldn’t come. Just then a car pulled up. Sydney counted heads, trying to figure out who hadn’t arrived yet. She looked down at the driveway and watched Michael emerge from his car. Clearly, there was only one thing to do. Sydney grabbed a beer.
Goldie, flanked by Mildred and Sadie, collected at the top of the stairs to stare at Michael. They moved as one when roused to action. Unfortunately, besides blocking Michael from entering, they were also preventing Sydney from exiting. She ran into the house and down the steps that led to the other entrance. She stepped out onto the driveway and grabbed Michael’s arm.
“Are you nuts? You came?”
“I wasn’t gonna miss it.” Michael’s smile was lazy, and Sydney felt an unexpected rush between her legs. She remembered that pot made her horny as well as hungry. She pulled him into the small downstairs entryway, threw her arms around his neck and pressed the entire length of her body against his.
“I can’t believe you’re here. They’re all crazy. And I’m fucked up.”
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
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