“Oh shit,” he looked down at his shirt, vaguely surprised, then back at his cousin, “Hey Shaindy, goodtseeya, goodtseeya.” He put down his plate and grabbed Sydney into a rib cracking bear hug. Sydney hugged him back; smelling what she was pretty sure was pot. Zolly’s wife approached, hauling a toddler with one hand and a heaping plate of food in the other. She had a bit of a weight problem as well. Zolly released Sydney so she could say hello to Nancy.
“Hi Nancy! Your baby is so cute! What’s his name? How old is he now?” Sydney never knew what to say in these baby situations.
“He’s almost two, and he’s a monster.”
Sydney checked Nancy’s face to see if she was joking, but couldn’t tell. She looked down, wanting to say something to the kid, but his gaze was fixed on something of great interest on the floor and Sydney realized that she still had no idea what his name was. She turned back to Nancy, “Ah, but he’s cute, and hey, you did it. Married, baby, you got it all going on.”
“To tell the truth,” Nancy lowered her voice, “the hardest part about having a baby was not being able to get high for nine months.”
Sydney stared at Zolly’s wife. While she was formulating a suitable response (none came), her mother, Aunt Mildred, and Aunt Sadie pushed their way toward them, forming a closed circle.
“So Shaindy,” started Sadie. Sydney studied her aunt, a human safety pin, all rounded edges hiding sharp points. “I hear you have a house in the country, in Connecticut.” She exaggerated Connecticut, pronouncing it the way it was spelled, laboring over the Connect. “A house, a fancy job,” she looked meaningfully at Sydney, “but it must be lonely, all alone like that, in the country.”
“She’s seeing somebody, a nice man, rich, handsome, in bras…” Sydney’s mother offered helpfully.
That was when Sydney snapped. “Oh, yes, my house in the country. It’s on a lake, I love it. In fact, you should all come. We’ll have a family circle, like when we were kids. All the cousins, Sunday after next, we’ll have a barbeque and go swimming, everyone is invited. Everyone.” A demon had taken control of her brain, and she beamed dementedly. Goldie looked triumphantly at her two sisters-in-laws. “My Shaindy is always so generous, so gracious. Nu, so you’ll come, a day in the country.”
Later, Esti caught up with Sydney as she was getting ready to leave. “Hey Shaindy, Mom is going around telling everyone that you’re having some party at your house?”
“Yeah, I kind of invited all of them.” Just then Esti and Sydney jumped, blinded by a camera flash. They turned, and a short potbellied bald man slithered around them, lining up another shot. The camera was angled oddly, focused on their breasts. “Even him,” Sydney sighed, tilting her head in his direction. The so called photographer was yet another cousin through marriage. The relationship was fuzzy.
Esti turned her back to him. “Why would you do that to yourself?”
Why indeed? Turning as well, Sydney looked at her sister, “I don’t know Esti. I think I just got sick of them treating me like I’m a loser cause I’m not married. Maybe I lost my mind a little?”
“A little.” Esti smiled. “I’ll bring some cookies.”
By the time Sydney got home early that evening, her message light was blinking. It was Goldie, who kept calling throughout the week to discuss the menu and to list more people for Sydney to invite. “My house isn’t all that big,” Sydney tried to interrupt.
“Don’t worry, there’s always enough space for family.”
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
The people behind Jewrotica are quite quality! I have confidence that any project these folks take on will be equally quality.
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
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