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Started With a Bris, Ended With a Bang

By on November 28, 2012
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Brit and Bang 2

“Oh shit,” he looked down at his shirt, vaguely surprised, then back at his cousin, “Hey Shaindy, goodtseeya, goodtseeya.” He put down his plate and grabbed Sydney into a rib cracking bear hug. Sydney hugged him back; smelling what she was pretty sure was pot. Zolly’s wife approached, hauling a toddler with one hand and a heaping plate of food in the other. She had a bit of a weight problem as well. Zolly released Sydney so she could say hello to Nancy.

“Hi Nancy! Your baby is so cute! What’s his name? How old is he now?” Sydney never knew what to say in these baby situations.

“He’s almost two, and he’s a monster.”

Sydney checked Nancy’s face to see if she was joking, but couldn’t tell. She looked down, wanting to say something to the kid, but his gaze was fixed on something of great interest on the floor and Sydney realized that she still had no idea what his name was. She turned back to Nancy, “Ah, but he’s cute, and hey, you did it. Married, baby, you got it all going on.”

“To tell the truth,” Nancy lowered her voice, “the hardest part about having a baby was not being able to get high for nine months.”

Sydney stared at Zolly’s wife. While she was formulating a suitable response (none came), her mother, Aunt Mildred, and Aunt Sadie pushed their way toward them, forming a closed circle.

“So Shaindy,” started Sadie. Sydney studied her aunt, a human safety pin, all rounded edges hiding sharp points. “I hear you have a house in the country, in Connecticut.” She exaggerated Connecticut, pronouncing it the way it was spelled, laboring over the Connect. “A house, a fancy job,” she looked meaningfully at Sydney, “but it must be lonely, all alone like that, in the country.”

“She’s seeing somebody, a nice man, rich, handsome, in bras…” Sydney’s mother offered helpfully.

That was when Sydney snapped.  “Oh, yes, my house in the country. It’s on a lake, I love it. In fact, you should all come. We’ll have a family circle, like when we were kids.  All the cousins, Sunday after next, we’ll have a barbeque and go swimming, everyone is invited. Everyone.” A demon had taken control of her brain, and she beamed dementedly. Goldie looked triumphantly at her two sisters-in-laws. “My Shaindy is always so generous, so gracious. Nu, so you’ll come, a day in the country.”

Later, Esti caught up with Sydney as she was getting ready to leave. “Hey Shaindy, Mom is going around telling everyone that you’re having some party at your house?”

“Yeah, I kind of invited all of them.” Just then Esti and Sydney jumped, blinded by a camera flash.  They turned, and a short potbellied bald man slithered around them, lining up another shot. The camera was angled oddly, focused on their breasts. “Even him,” Sydney sighed, tilting her head in his direction. The so called photographer was yet another cousin through marriage. The relationship was fuzzy.

Esti turned her back to him. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

Why indeed? Turning as well, Sydney looked at her sister, “I don’t know Esti. I think I just got sick of them treating me like I’m a loser cause I’m not married. Maybe I lost my mind a little?”

“A little.” Esti smiled. “I’ll bring some cookies.”

By the time Sydney got home early that evening, her message light was blinking. It was Goldie, who kept calling throughout the week to discuss the menu and to list more people for Sydney to invite.  “My house isn’t all that big,” Sydney tried to interrupt.

“Don’t worry, there’s always enough space for family.”

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