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Fantasizing in the Gush

By on October 26, 2012
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Fantasizing in the Gush4

I spent a long time feeling guilty about this fantasy.  After all, sexual aggression and assault are horrible things.  If I started out thinking about forced kissing, how long would it be before I became aroused by rape and other intense forms of sexual assault?  How could I allow myself to dwell on these thoughts or to – God forbid – glorify them?

My fantasy life felt highly transgressive and it was only years later – after I embraced the value of fantasies and shed the guilt and embarrassment associated with them – that I was blessed with my first of many orgasms, body sprawled on the couch – relaxed and tingly, vibrator in hand, my mind miles away in some far-off dreamt up yishuv and the height of the fantasy no longer “too intense” to continue.  I don’t know if there is a bracha that can be said on the female orgasm, but there should be.

Years after the movie’s release and in a way my own release, I have come to realize two important lessons:

1) Some people argue against this website because Jewrotica “takes what is private and makes it public”.

I understand the argument, but – though there is value in tzniut – the extent of silence regarding sexuality and the stigmatization of everything relating to this topic negatively affect the development of healthy sexuality.

Perhaps people shouldn’t go around dishing about the most intimate details of their sex lives – especially with their true names attached – but there is a need for Jewish sexual discussion and expression.  There is the need to familiarize sexuality in a Jewish cultural context and to get educated.  And I’m excited to see that Jewrotica will be publishing saucy, entertaining pieces as well as thoughtful educational articles.

2)  Fantasies are normal.  More than this, dark fantasies are common amongst women and are also very normal.  It took me a long time to realize and accept this.  I only recently told my husband about the “camp fire” fantasy because I was so embarrassed and felt negatively about it.

Everyone has a different path to take.  But, for me, it was only through sharing the fantasy with my husband and embracing this scene that had haunted me for so long that I was able to truly discover, empower and own my sexuality.

The human brain is complex and most psychologists and sex therapists still don’t fully understand why particular things turn us on and where our fantasies come from, but taboo things aren’t so taboo when you realize that they are a common and even positive part of human functioning.  And – from conversations with friends – everyone thinks that they are the only ones to have a particular fantasy or turn-on.  But it’s not true: you’re not the only one and you’re not alone.

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