His comment, “So Jewish,” stayed with me. It was disheartening to hear, but unfortunately all too familiar. There seems to be a threshold of how “Jewey” a prospective companion can be. In fact, asking, “What do you do?” is almost always a problematic question, because the revelation that one is a Jewish professional conjures up a set of assumptions that are rarely complimentary: He must be some sort of religious fundamentalist; no one would “willingly” work in that field.
These perceptions present an even more difficult challenge when it comes to observant LGBTQ Jews who feel rejected by their communities and Judaism. Finding little room for reconciliation between the Judaism they identify with and their sexual identity, many choose a more accepting secular lifestyle that is, at most, only culturally Jewish. It can be difficult to understand why someone who is LGBTQ would choose to be so deeply involved in Jewish life, both professionally and personally. It appears counterintuitive and could be mistaken for self-loathing. And it is most definitely not sexy.
I tried to remain composed while we waited for the check to arrive. As we walked out of the restaurant, my date turned to me and asked, “Why are you so Jewish? Why choose to be so involved?”
I have been asking myself the same questions for years. I’ve always immersed myself fully in my work. I’m your textbook definition of a workaholic: I’m terrible at setting boundaries and I rarely carve out time for myself. If I’m working for “the Jews,” I’m completely enmeshed in that world. This is further exacerbated by the fact that my downtime is equally as “Jewish” as my profession: My friends are Jewish; I regularly attend synagogue; and I lead and participate in a number of different Jewish groups and extracurricular activities.
What is most challenging about living such an integrated life is that Judaism is no longer reserved solely for my own spiritual fulfillment. It seeps into and occupies every sphere of my personal and professional life so that they are virtually indistinguishable from each other. This further complicates my already difficult struggle to balance work and life, and it begs the question that by always being “on,” could I endanger the very value Judaism provides for me in the first place?
It is something to be careful about. And, ironically, I feel pulled to be more involved. Wherever I have found myself, I have always been drawn to creating or strengthening community. It is in this interconnectedness and belonging that I find meaning, and why being “so Jewish” fulfills the various facets of who I am.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Jewrotica rocks. It’s funny, it’s informative, it’s sexy, it’s interesting. Check it out!
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
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