So You’re Trying To Figure Me Out?

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I am a divorced pansexual queer femme trauma survivor.
I am a smart successful sensitive spiritual progressive Jew.
I am a caring compassionate anti-racist White feminist.

I am layers of nightmare and daydream and full, raw presence.
I am hope and hurt and growth.
I am sweet caresses and confusion.

I am too much.
I am not enough.
I am busy.
I am deeply connected and loving and open.
I am alone and coping and yearning.

I am vulnerable.
I am incredibly strong.
I am not here to play games.

Written by Mimi Arbeit. Mimi has a Ph.D. in Child Study and Human Development from Tufts University. Her research takes a skills-based approach to promoting adolescent sexuality development and sexual health, with specific attention to questions of gender justice and the experiences of queer and trans youth. She applies this work to sex education and sexual violence prevention in contexts such as public schools, college campuses, and youth development programs. For two years, she wrote The Debrief, a weekly column on sex, dating, and relationships at Read more at, and follow @MimiArbeit. The following piece originally appeared on Mimi’s blog on January 31, 2016.

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