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Babylon Nights

By on February 3, 2014

babylon nights

The hand appeared every night and gave Belshazzar the most fabulous and imaginative hand-jobs of his life. He was stroked, caressed, massaged, pumped, palmed, fingered, fondled, knuckled, thumbed, nailed and fisted. He came like he had never come before. He didn’t breathe a word to anyone about how he was spending his nights. The king guessed that it was Ishtar. Why shouldn’t the Goddess of Babylon service the King of Babylon? After all, who paid for the upkeep of her Temples?

After three weeks of regular, nightly service, Belshazzar was in a grand mood. He decided to summon his greatest feast ever. He invited no less than 1,000 lords and had the vessels from the Jews’ temple in Jerusalem brought in for himself and his lords, consorts and concubines to drink from. He pointedly did not invite the Queen and cackled with glee at the prospect of galling the hell out of the old bat yet again.

*****

The feast was in full swing. Wine flowed like the Euphrates and would soon turn the banquet into an orgy.

Belshazzar eyed the statue of Marduk as a courtier retrieved the plate of food and goblet of wine that had been set before the god and brought them to him. “Jealous, aren’t you?” the King thought, “that Ishtar likes mine better than yours?” The courtier handed him the goblet. Belshazzar held it up to Marduk. Well, here’s to that slut wife of yours! He drank deeply…and spewed a geyser of wine all over the Egyptian ambassador. The ambassador started to yell but fell silent, along with everyone else in the hall.

A great, glowing hand had appeared and hung in mid-air. Everyone watched as the hand pointed at Belshazzar before writing four words in Aramaic on the wall next to the candlestick. It flashed a jaunty thumbs-up at the dumbstruck king and disappeared.

Belshazzar’s legs gave out and he toppled backwards onto his throne. “Bring me my enchanters, Chaldeans and astrologers!” he wailed.

These came rushing in but even though the king promised power and riches to the one who could interpret the strange words, none could.

The Queen heard the commotion from her tower and hastened to the banquet hall, where she found Belshazzar throwing food at his wise men. “Useless!” he howled, “You’re all fucking useless!” He spied the Queen. “Look!” he shouted, pointing to the glowing words. “The hand! The hand did that and these morons,” he seized a whole suckling pig and hurled it at the wise men, “don’t have a godsdamned clue!”

“Call Daniel the Hebrew, my lord,” the Queen said, “the one who helped King Nebuchadnezzar, and he will declare the interpretation!”

“He had better!” The king turned to a terrified guard. “What are you waiting for?” he snarled, “Go get him or I’ll have your head!”

The guard bolted off to fetch Daniel. The Queen found a seat next to the fuming Egyptian ambassador.

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