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Babylon Nights

By on February 3, 2014

babylon nights

Daniel fixed his robe as best he could as he trotted after the guard. The latter had spouted gibberish about a giant hand and strange words that nobody could read. Daniel guessed that it was the doing of the Queen and her Lydian slave. He waited outside as the guard entered the hall.

“Oh, fuck protocol!” he heard Belshazzar bellow, “Get out of my way!” The king himself pushed the curtains aside and grabbed Daniel’s robe, “Get in here!”

Belshazzar dragged Daniel – who noticed the Queen next to the Egyptian ambassador – into the center of the banquet hall and pointed at four words on the wall. “Tell me what that means and those,” he pointed at a purple robe and a gold chain-of-office draped over a chair, “are yours. Don’t and you’re fish food!” The king now pointed at a window that overlooked the Euphrates.

Daniel wanted to look at the Queen for guidance but dared not.

“Well?!” Belshazzar demanded.

He stared at the words, astonished. Where did she learn obscure Aramaic code? Most rabbis couldn’t read this!

“WELL??!!”

Be dramatic, she said. “You profane God’s sacred vessels, you and your consorts and concubines. You drink to idols! Now, hear the words of God, King Belshazzar, and be humbled!” Daniel pointed to the words and thundered, “MENE, MENE – God has numbered your kingdom and brought it to an end! TEKEL – You have been weighed in the balances and been found wanting!” Daniel took a deep breath. “UPHARSIN – Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians!”

Belshazzar was silent. Daniel lowered his arm, expecting to be executed forthwith.

“Oh, bravo! Bravo!” Belshazzar clapped his hands and burst out laughing. “I can take a joke! Very good!” The hall rang with laughter as everyone, except for Daniel, the Queen and the Egyptian ambassador, followed the King’s cue. When the noise had died down, the King had Daniel adorned in the robe and invested with the chain-of-office. “Take High Councilor Daniel to the Akkad Palace, which shall now be his. Your God must be in league with Ishtar,” Belshazzar whispered to Daniel, “Now go, I want to get on with my party! Drink up, everybody!” he cried to the crowd.

A guard hastily led a baffled Daniel from the hall.

*****

Belshazzar was found the next morning, lying on the floor of his bedchamber, his head smashed. It was widely assumed that he had tripped and fallen, while in a drunken stupor, and smashed his head on a gold table. The army protecting Babylon went over to Darius the Mede, who swiftly occupied the city and was proclaimed king. His sober, orderly regime was welcomed with relief.

*****

FOUR WEEKS LATER

The woman, bent over a railing on one of the terraces, grunted as her partner grabbed her hips and thrust into her. He reached around and stroked clit. They moaned and rocked furiously, crying out as they came.

Daniel slumped over Adaya, wrapping his arms around her tummy and caressing her tits. “Mmm, we’re like a pair of rutting newlyweds.”

“Old man, we are a pair of rutting newlyweds.”

“Nice of King Darius to spring for the wedding.”

“Well, you are a High Councilor. Hey, are we going to do it in all of our old spots?”

“Dumb question. Tomorrow by the pond?”

“By the pond?” Adaya straightened up and pulled down her robe.

“Oh, right.” Daniel fixed his tunic took her by the hand. “Clear up one thing for me.”

“Sure.”

“Where did you learn obscure Aramaic code? I mean, most rabbis couldn’t read those words.”

“What?” Adaya stopped and looked at Daniel. “I was going to ask you where you learned Lydian magic.”

“Waitaminute, the hand and the writing at the banquet, you didn’t do that?”

“No. I assumed you did. You mean you didn’t? Then who…”

There was a long, low roll of thunder.

Daniel and Adaya looked up.

“I think He’s laughing at us,” Daniel whispered.

“Let Him laugh!”

Truly, Lord Daniel thought, smiling, Your ways are inscrutable.

Adaya squeezed his hand. They started back toward the Akkad Palace, swinging their arms.

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