IV:
It’s hard to give thanks for something that is dying.
Sometimes I wonder what I am campaigning for. Why it matters so much that I tell my parents when the reason for my confession shrinks away from me every day. I’ve never believed that any one factor defines your identity–not the music you listen to or the color of your skin or your sexual orientation. This is probably why I made such a miserable frummie. I am so much more than just “Orthodox,” a sentiment no one else at YU seemed to share.
So how to tell my parents that not only am I not Orthodox, I am also gay?
I don’t even like the word. Too rigid, too all-encompassing. Too definite. I love Alex, but I also love macaroni and cheese, science fiction, the moment in Lecha Dodi where we bow to the approaching queen. There are no words for those loves, no value judgments or expectations attached to those affections and pursuits.
Why does the fact that I love Alex need to be described, delineated, defined?
V:
It’s hard to give thanks for something that is dying.
“I’m not giving you an ultimatum,” he says. “Either you tell your parents or you don’t. The choice is yours.”
“But if I don’t, it’s over.”
He rubs his hands over his face. “I’m not going to do this anymore,” he warns. “I deserve better than this.”
“You know that’s not–”
“It doesn’t matter what your reasons are. You’ve met my entire family and yours doesn’t know that I exist.”
“I need time,” I protest.
“You’ve had six months,” he says.
“It’s Thanksgiving,” I remind him, as though that means anything.
“And before it was Sukkot and Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana and you didn’t want to screw that up, and soon it’s Chanukah and your aunt is coming in from Israel, and then it’ll be New Years, and then Pesach, and then several years will have gone by and you’ll have suffocated in your little frummie closet.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Damn right it isn’t fair,” he says evenly.
I look at him, trying to find that place in his eyes that always held something for me: desire, an agreement, a laugh. There is nothing. He could be looking at anyone, anything.
It’s hard to give thanks for something that is dead.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
The people behind Jewrotica are quite quality! I have confidence that any project these folks take on will be equally quality.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
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