Holiday Indulgence – Shavuot (Part 3 of 3)

Written by Dirty Di. This piece is the continuation of Holiday Indulgence – Shavuot (Part 1 of 3).

For more by Dirty Di, check out Astray and Deborah and Aviva.

The weekend was hard. Malka’d been working so hard for the past forty days, there was basically nothing left to do except wait. She didn’t want to be alone, and she didn’t want to do anything that reminded her of her loneliness. It was a general-uneasiness feeling she didn’t quite know how to cope with. Normally she’d cherish her solitude, but today everything she did was a painful reminder of the events of the previous night.

So she took her only remaining option and went to her office. No one would be there, though; she decided to give them all the weekend off after more than a month of practically camping in BF&D.

Despite the lack of company, the office was the only place she could get away from everything. There was always something to do and most of the time, she just sat at her desk and caught up with e-mail.

She ignored Hannah’s calls and messages, not just because she was angry, but because she was hurt. She knew that any conversation with the blonde would drive her into berserk mode, leading her to say things she’d later regret.

So she worked.

—

Deep breath. Straighten jacket. Motivational speech. Yet another Monday morning had arrived, and with it, the penultimate speech she would give on the issue. Let’s get this over with.

“Good morning, everybody. As you know if you’re keeping a countdown, and I know you are, we have ten days left. Ten more days and all this madness ends,” and Hannah returns to Boston, never to be seen again, “then you can go home and have a well-deserved rest. But until then,” or not? “I want you all to keep the hard effort, so we can finish this smoothly and without any other mishap. Don’t let your guard down.”

Although she did enjoy having impromptu conversations with herself, her train of thought was going places she didn’t dare to explore. Not now. She didn’t need the distraction, she needed to be focused and alert. This delivery was the single most important event of her career, and she’d be damned it she was going to throw it all away for a couple of fluttering eyes, however cute they were. And Hannah had a date, she painfully reminded herself, so fuck her. And yes, she cringed at the curse.

The truth was she was tired of having to prove her worth every single day, of being underestimated just for being a woman. But she had been the youngest lawyer to become partner, so sometimes, after all these years of hard work and personal sacrifices, she figured all in her head and she was just being paranoid. And maybe it was all in her head, but some days like today, like this whole past weeks, she felt she was in the eye of a hurricane, someone just waiting for her to screw up.

And so, she mused, caring for the other woman was a weakness she couldn’t afford.

“Malka?”

“Yes, Miss Dayan.”

“Seriously? Are you still ‘Miss-Dayan’ing me? You have some serious trust issues, lady.”

“Is there something you want?”

“Yes.”

“Do tell.”

“Well… as you know, I will be returning to Boston soon.”

“Yes, I am well aware. Counting the days, actually.”

“Ha, funny.”

Pause.

“So?” Malka pressed.

“Ok. What are you doing next Tuesday?”

“In case you have forgotten, dear, we will be delivering the Sinai Assignment.”

“After that, Malka,” she said, sounding somewhat annoyed.

“Nothing, I guess. Perhaps I’ll take a long overdue bubble bath.” Her mind wandered to her priced bathtub, her overpriced scented bath oils, nice music, Hannah’s hands caressing her–

“Malka,” Hannah said, sharply.

“Yes!” She jumped at the sound of her name, returning to reality.

“Let’s do something.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Miss Dayan?”

She nodded.

“Lazar Wolf wasn’t satisfying enough, I gather?”

“It’s really not funny. And no, he wasn’t, so will you please say yes? Don’t make me beg,” Hannah in a pleading voice that Malka was finding very hard to say no to.

“Whatever have you in mind, another bonfire?” Malka answered, resigned by her own weakness.

“No, Miss Berkovich, I’d hate to repeat myself. And, if I recall correctly, there was never a bonfire!” Hannah mused. “Just say yes, I have until Tuesday to figure something out.”

“Actually, if I recall correctly, you have until tomorrow to finish your final report, so I suggest you stop gallivanting and get to work.”

“So… I’ll take that as a yes,” she said with a bright smile.

“Stop bothering me.”

“Great! My gallantry and I will be over there should you need us.”

“Big words, Miss Dayan, I’m impressed.”

“And I’m not afraid to use them!”

…

The week passed both quickly and not fast enough. Aside from a few minor mishaps, everything was still running according to schedule and Malka was left, yet again, with nothing to do but wait.

She checked, double-checked and triple-checked everything, but eventually, all she really had to do was sit down and meditate on whatever issue arose in her head. And she paced. A lot.

In front of everybody, she was still the composed, calm Malka Berkovich everyone knew and sometimes even admire, but inside her office, where no one could see her, she was a complete wreck.

“Can you please, pretty please, stay still?

“Why, am I annoying you, Miss Dayan?”

“So very much,”

“Then no,” she said, but sat down anyway, only to get up just a few minutes after and resume her pacing. If she heard Hannah’s long, suffering sigh, she decided to ignore it.

…

Malka couldn’t sleep. She was exhausted but her mind was in overdrive, refusing to slow down. All she could think was tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrowtomorrowtomorrow, oh dear god, tomorrow. She tossed and turned for hours, only to find out that no more than forty-five minutes had passed.

She resigned herself to a sleepless night and got out of bed. Her first impulse was to call Hannah, but she dismissed the idea when she realized it was way past midnight. She was looking at her cell phone with a longing she didn’t expect, when she felt it vibrate. When she saw it was a text message from Hannah, her heart actually quickened its pace.

Go to sleep.

How did she know? She decided not to text back.

I’m serious, get away from the paperwork, go to bed.

Finally, after much pondering, Malka answered.

I can’t.

No need. Malka wrote. And now her heart was in overdrive, just like her mind.

Be there in 10 min, make me hot chocolate.

Don’t. I mean it.

I know. See you in 10.

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