Revoking the ban would mean articulating a Modern Orthodox sexual ethic that reserves vaginal intercourse for marriage – and perhaps reserves any other forms of physical intimacy for meaningful relationships. It would require discussions about setting sexual boundaries, and about not violating your comfort needs in a relationship – a discussion that could feed into a larger one, about emotional and sexual manipulation and abuse. It would require convincing, instead of coercing. It would require trust. Rabbinic lack of trust permeates other aspects of an Orthodox woman’s life, but it is perhaps most damaging here, when it pertains to the most basic facet of the human experience. Depriving singles of this basic human need–sexual activity–deepens the gap between the marrieds and singles in the community, since one group is experiencing an entire facet of life not open to the other. Most importantly, it violates the principle of “The Torah’s ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are of peace” – a principle which has traditionally been used as a legal consideration in producing lenient rabbinic rulings.
By violating this Jewish tradition, the current rabbinic establishment is endangering the Jewish future: Measuring “relationships” by the yardstick of whether they result in marriage, and measuring marriage by whether it results in kids, is an Orthodox social problem that deserves its own piece. However, given that Orthodox Jewish values do encourage marriage and child-rearing, it is worth noting that a pre-requisite to a healthy marriage is being a happy, healthy, fulfilled human being, who is able to articulate boundaries and communicate their sexual needs to their partner. Shomer negiah makes it hard for anybody to be happy, healthy, fulfilled or sexually articulate, essentially setting its adherents up for failure and endangering the institution of the Jewish family, the very institution it is bound to protect . This, of course, is a paradox, and leaves me all tied up in knots – although, when it comes to sex, being tied up in knots may not be such a bad thing….
Works Cited:
Blau, Rivkah. “Gender Relationships in Marriage and Out.” Ktava Publishing House, New York, 2004.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
The people behind Jewrotica are quite quality! I have confidence that any project these folks take on will be equally quality.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
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