I AM Haman’s Mom

hamans mom bwind

Written by Rabbi Melinda “BracHa” Bernstein. For more Jewrotica writing by Rabbi Melinda, check out In The Bedroom of Judaism. Art credit to Bradley Wind.

Rated R
Purim is a joyous time. In the dictionary Purim means lots. So when we celebrate, we celebrate with lots and lots and lots of food, celebration, drinking and an excessive, excessive, excessive amount of many feelings about life.

I want to thank you so much for taking the time to honor my little boy’s life. Unfortunately for you, my son has made you angry with his deeds. You think he’s the villain but you have become the villain because you are angry at Haman and anger is the villain. While Haman was busy aggravating Mordechai…(as the story goes) you are finding yourself aggravated too. Not only are you aggravated, you are drunk. You are an aggravated drunk! And aggravation is the villain inside of your body. Do you know that aggravation travels throughout your blood, your organs, your cells, glands and causes havoc inside of you? Does this feel good to be angry and to drink on top of your anger and to dress up as anger? What anger looks like inside the soul is the toxic root of shame. Shame gives meaning to right and and wrong. Shame points the finger to blame someone else and not take responsibility for our feelings.

How do I know this because I am Hamans’s mom. Out of my birth canal came Haman. I had no midwife and I did not know Haman’s dad very well. He flew into my bed and flew out faster than I could say undo my corset. Please do not feel sorry for me as I’m in a good place now. I was brought into this world to teach myself respect and to teach men the art of consciousness. Unfortunately for you, Haman’s dad was the seed of practice. I ask that you forgive me for I have lived many lifetimes to work out the karmic kinks and have forgiven myself. I ask that you forgive yourself for every unconscious act in your own life.

Fast forward to present time.

The Shalach Manos is ready for distribution. With love and care your hamantaschen is perfectly shaped like the ear of my beloved son Haman. I pray with all my orgasmic energy that you are listening to the message of what you’ve baked. As I’m very much alive in my soul, my body feels the resistance that shame offers, however I’m choosing not to let it control my senses. Rather, I’m embracing and sending my fully alive sensual essence directly into your core as you daven and celebrate.

Today I meet others with gentleness and strength as they unload the burden of the effects of overindulgence and imbalances caused by sexual and emotional delusion. Shechinah, hears my prayer for our planet, she blesses us through evolving wisdom. I wash my body in the ocean, the cosmic womb, our earth mother. The mikvah is my teacher, my soul rinse. I see my beloved little boy Haman in everyone as I play with myself as a girl/woman.

I wonder tonight as we scream over the name of Haman, did anyone ever make the time to get to know Haman’s heart? Was his entire purpose to teach our world that violence begets violence? As Haman’s mom, I feel sad that this legacy lives inside my soul. I know there is more to this legacy of Haman’s neshama, for he came from the flesh of my flesh and “today” I am a very caring, loving and conscious person. I am made from the creation of love, so are you. We all have, deep within, somewhere inside something to treasure besides a legacy of violence. Happy Purim and may your celebration create a new layer of prayergasmic bliss as you cheer and boo the text of this story.

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  • Concerned

    Next, we’ll hear from Hitler’s mom, and then the mother of every wicked murderer to have deliberately targeted Jews for no reason other than that they are Jews.

    This slow erosion of our moral compass, where we are asked to appreciate “and put in perspective” the very people that seek to destroy us – while simultaneously berating ourselves for our own (comparatively insignificant) failings, is the reason that Israel constantly finds itself in the twilight-zone of the international community’s disapproval.