The Many Flavors of Pleasure

The Sense of Touch Is at Hand!

Now that you have built up the desire for sex, the excitement phase may be well underway. This phase prepares the body for sexual intercourse*-but there’s no need to jump into that just yet. There is still outercourse (which is another term for foreplay) to consider. This is doing everything you can to engage the genitals for an orgasm. Massaging and touching each other’s bodies are wonderful ways to connect. In fact, connecting through touch is one of our most fundamental needs. Keep in mind any areas you and your partner identified during the body mapping technique, including the type of touch you most enjoy. You might also want to experiment with massage oils as suggested in this post.

During foreplay, focus your touch and other attention (like kisses) on the areas of the body that are most receptive to sexual stimulation, also known as the erogenous zones. Erogenous zones can be anywhere you experience pleasure, the most obvious being in the genital zones, including the nipples, vulvar lips, anal region, the surface of the vagina, the scrotum, and the head of the penis. But there are also non-genital erogenous zones such as the lips and mouth, nipples, underarms, shoulders, backbone, neck, navel, fingers, toes, nostrils, and behind the knees.

Here are some ideas for “waking up” these zones:

Lips: The lips are extremely sensitive to touch. Spend several minutes kissing before you move to other parts of the body. Kiss your partner as you would normally but take time to pull away and trace your finger or tongue over your partner’s lips ever so lightly – you can increase the sensation of the buccal nerve, which surrounds the edges of the mouth. This should trigger a ticklish sensation.

Nipples: The nipples can be super sensitive in both men and women, so it’s often a good place to start. However, the nipples can be overly sensitive so start slowly by sucking, kissing, and caressing. Pay attention to your partner’s response.

Navel: Who knew the area between the navel and pelvis is a great area to stimulate since blood flows from the abdomen toward the sexual organs? Tease your partner with a light touch and then explore another area before going back to the navel. It’s a great way to build sexual anticipation.

Behind the knees, neck, and shoulder: As long as these areas don’t cause your partner to burst out laughing from “tickle torture,” these hotspots of nerve endings can be incredibly sensitive and sexually stimulating. Just breathing on your partner’s neck can send shivers down the spine. Be sure to use your tongue, teeth, and hands to nuzzle and nibble each of these spots.

Perineum: Also known as the “P-Spot”, this diamond-shaped spot is located in men between the anus and the scrotum and in women between the vagina and anus. The perineum is loaded with nerve endings. Applying a little pressure can bring this area great pleasure to men, especially right before orgasm. In women, the skin of the perineum is made from similar tissue to the vaginal lips, which means it’s delicate and sensitive. A light touch may be best to wake up the nerve endings in this sensitive spot.

Scrotum: The scrotal skin is quite delicate and sensitive, which means it responds well to gentle touching and stroking.

Penis: Not much of a surprise here-the head is especially sensitive to touch so try various ways of stroking and gently touching, kissing, and licking. Be gentle and ask for feedback.

Vulva and Vagina: The vagina is a mucus membrane, which is meant to be wet with vaginal secretions. Make sure it stays that way by using saliva or lube. Be sure to explore the whole region, from the outer lips to the very sensitive clitoris.

Clitoris: There are 6,000-8,000 nerve endings on the clitoris, or head of the vulva. In fact this is the highest concentration of nerve endings anywhere in the male or female body. Need I say more? The clitoris’s sole purpose is for pleasure! Sheri Winston writes in Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal, “Most women need some form of targeted clitoral action to reach their orgasm.” So, it’s wise to slip, slide, and glide with all sorts of direct stimulation of this ultra-sensitive spot. (Quick Tip: when trying to locate the clitoris, look toward the top of the vulva, between the two folds of skin where both labia meet. It’s often about the size of a pea.)

The G-spot: This “spot” may be a little difficult to find because it’s not exactly a “spot” but a tube of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethral canal (the G-spot is technically called the urethral sponge). This zone is located inside and on top of the vagina behind the pubic bone. While there has been great debate in the medical community about whether it exists, every woman has a urethral sponge; once it’s stimulated and aroused there is not much to debate. Some of the most intense orgasms come from the stimulation of this zone with or without something else moving in and out of the vagina.

Anus: The anus is lined with delicate mucosal membranes and contains many sensitive nerve endings. Although the anal region may not have the most pleasant connotations, this area takes second place to genitalia in number of nerve endings, says Sheri Winston. Be sure to practice the best sexual hygiene when exploring this region, as bacteria should not travel to the vagina or urethra. Wash sex toys well before using near any other areas. Remember to take things SLOWLY and use the lube when exploring this sensitive region.

Side note: My colleague, a New York–based sex therapist I’ll call M.G, says that it’s important to provide feedback to your partner during the excitement phase: “Once you are enjoying your pleasure, it’s important to let your partner know how you are feeling by keeping the lines of communication open.” If you are looking for a different kind of touch, there is a technique called the training cycle. This is how it works:

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*Remember: Any person can experience the excitement phase without becoming intimate with another. If a person enters the excitement phase, he or she can choose to end this phase at any point. It is never mandatory that either partner have sex. The choice to have sex or not (or be sexually intimate in any way) is a choice that must be respected.

Don’t Forget the Topping!

The direct stimulation from foreplay and exploration of the erogenous zones often leads to the grand finale: intercourse, outercourse, or masturbation. This is called the plateau phase. No matter how it all goes down, make it a new adventure. Shake things up by trying a new position, lying on a blanket on the floor instead of on the bed, or going into a different room or to a different place like the bathtub or shower.

A high peak occurs during the plateau phase…and this is called orgasm. It’s like our favorite topping on our frozen yogurt. But remember, although orgasms are wonderful, you should not focus solely on reaching an orgasm. You wouldn’t eat your fro-yo just to have your favorite topping, would you?

Good Till the Last Drop

When the sexual tension has been released, you are officially in the last phase of the sexual response cycle. Be sure to enjoy every aspect of this cycle-right down to the last drop! The memory that lingers when it’s over may be so delicious that you may soon find yourself right back in the desire phase! And that’s just a little taste of the many possibilities for experiencing more pleasure in your intimate relationships.