Written by Liora. Liora is a first-time Jewrotica writer.
Here is a partial list of my husband’s qualities:
Tall.
A DDR expert.
Possessed of formidable cooking skills and the sharpest cheekbones I’ve ever seen.
Addicted to bacon.
Half-Mexican, half-Chinese, one hundred percent goy. Raised Catholic, now floating in the warm abeyance between atheism and lazy acknowledgment of a formless higher power.
Alex is what the kids today might call a gamechanger. Meeting him destroyed every single one of my assumptions about what I wanted or how I would end up. If God is the ultimate matchmaker, as my parents contend, then this marriage is half-perfect, half cosmic joke.
Three months in, I’ve mostly shrugged off the feeling that our marriage signals the dissolution of My Immortal Soul—marrying the love of your life will do wonders for your general happiness, your belief in a loving god—but a gauzy sadness lingers around the Jewish holidays. Final proof that Amor doesn’t Vincit Omnia: not my parents’ disapproval or my stifled, occasional desire to turn Alex Jewish, just for the eight nights of Chanukah, the twenty five hours of Yom Kippur. Just long enough to have him participate, not as an outside observer, but a member of the club.
“Liora,” he calls now, sticking his head into our living room, where I am rifling through an Artscroll battered relic from a traumatic summer at Camp Shevet Achim.
“Sup,” I call back.
“When are we lighting— Oh. I thought you were waiting for me.”
“I was just getting ready,” I reply lamely. “I was gonna call you when I was done setting up the candles.”
“Looks like you’re ready now.” He takes the Artscroll from my hands and peers at the English translations of the blessings. “We’re just doing the first two tonight, right?” Classic Alex—he can defuse any situation, a necessary skill for living with me.
“Yep. Do you remember what the third one is called?” I’m using my teacher-voice—the high-pitched, condescending tone I fall into whenever I see a Teachable Jewish Moment. If I am a good enough teacher, if I gentle him into understanding, these moments will accumulate into a legitimate body of Jewish knowledge one day. One day we will be partners—roughly matched, but on similar planes. I will unclasp this vague resentment from around my neck and hang it somewhere else instead.
I hate myself for thinking like this.
“No idea,” he says cheerfully.
“Sheh-heh-chee-yanu,” I enunciate.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Jewrotica rocks. It’s funny, it’s informative, it’s sexy, it’s interesting. Check it out!
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
The people behind Jewrotica are quite quality! I have confidence that any project these folks take on will be equally quality.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
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