Dear Jewrotica #1 – Penance
Dear Jewrotica,
When I was sixteen, I was sexually assaulted. A boy I’d known since childhood blackmailed me into giving him head in a synagogue.
I had already been diagnosed with clinical depression when this happened. At the time, I tried to write it off as yet another stumbling block in a difficult adolescence.
My attacker was the only boy who’d shown any interest in me physically. Maybe that was why I kept going back to him after that night. Maybe that was why I eventually let him take my virginity. Because as warped as it was, it made me feel wanted.
Ten years have gone by. I’ve started therapy. I have a loving, understanding boyfriend. Sometimes I’m even able to joke about what happened.
But I know, from looking him up online and from hometown gossip, that he’s led a charmed life since then. And while I’m better than I was ten years ago, I’m still hampered by self-loathing and doubt. I still have flashbacks.
I wonder, now, if there were other girls he hurt. I want to reach out to mutual friends and classmates but I don’t know how.
And even if I was the only one, even if I was “special”…I want people to know what he did.
~Rook from New England
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