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Fantasizing in the Gush

By on May 21, 2014

Fantasizing in the Gush5

Beyond being “normal”, fantasies can improve your sex life and should be embraced. My fantasy was about loss of control. It allowed me to use my imagination and go places where I couldn’t go in real life and often would never want to actually experience in real life. Forceful sexuality and loss of control are still common themes in my current sexuality, and sometimes that freaks me out.

I have occasionally wondered… if I can only orgasm when thinking about forced situations, is that something that I need to stop or break? Is it… a fetish? But thankfully, I am no longer in a rush to label it. Fantasies are not harming my sex life. If anything, they are making my bedroom a more diverse and exciting place as I continue on this process of self-learning. And people’s tastes change, so maybe this won’t be what ‘does it for me’ in two years, but for now it’s helping and not hurting.

One last note: One of the deleterious effects of porn and westernized sexuality is that if you’re not having mind-blowing grand finale orgasms, you don’t feel “part of the club” and might even feel that there is something wrong with you. So for any women out there who – like me – were late bloomers or think that they are non-orgasmic, don’t give up! Contrary to perpetuated stereotypes, being frum and being sexually liberated don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Pleasure and sexuality are beautifully complex and orgasm doesn’t have to be the end goal. However, if you have not yet orgasmed but want to, continue to explore your sexuality and be patient with yourself. Practice makes perfect, right?

So, let the conversations begin. Let the fantasies continue. And, Jewrotica, titchadshi!

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