Protecting Your Sexual Health

When two people sleep together, they are essentially exchanging the germs they’ve picked up from any other sexual partners they might have had. In many cases, they aren’t even aware that they are carrying these germs. In fact, the challenge with sexually transmitted infections is that they usually infect the inside of the vagina, anus, or throat. This means that simply looking at your partner’s mouth, anus, or genitals to determine if they are infection-free is just not going to cut it. So unless you are bringing an optical microscope into bed with you, you can’t possibly know if your partner is “safe.”

I can hear you now: “But, Mara, what about all those grotesque pictures I saw in health class or on the Internet?” It’s important to note that the photographs in medical textbooks typically show the most extreme forms of an illness. I highly doubt that anyone in his or her right frame of mind would get into bed with someone who had an obvious infection that even slightly resembled the infections shown in those medical pictures. It’s for this reason that I don’t believe in scaring people into making safer choices. It gives them a false sense of security. It’s also just not accurate depiction of a person with a sexually transmitted infection (STI).*

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that 19 million new cases of STIs occur every year and that one out of four Americans between the ages of 15 and 55 will contract at least one STI in their lifetime. These statistics are staggering, and yet many people deny their own susceptibility to such health consequences or simply assume they are infection-free because they don’t have symptoms. In fact, many people with STIs (especially women) do not have any symptoms at all. Another case in point, in a study of college students, most said they recognized the severity of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, but believed their own risk to be very low. Many young Jewish participants in my workshops have the same perception: contracting an STI is not likely. They couldn’t be more wrong. It can happen to anyone, and it can happen to you!

*A Side Note: Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are also referred to as sexually transmitted infections (STIs). I prefer to use the latter term for two reasons: First, not all pathogens lead to disease, so it’s medically more accurate to refer to infections as infections. Second, there is stigma attached to the term STD, as our culture has come to associate it with being “dirty” or “unclean.” The term STI can potentially shift this thinking to one where it is recognized that contracting such infections is very common. Being unclean or dirty has nothing to do with it. So even if you keep yourself in tip-top shape and choose only partners you believe are “clean” as well, you are still not immune to these widespread infections and need to protect yourself.

Here are some ways to practice safer sex:

Keep your fluids to yourself!
The best way to practice safer sex is to keep your bodily fluids to yourself! Most STIs are transmitted via bodily fluids such as blood, pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-cum), semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. The best way to keep your fluids to yourself is by creating a “barrier” between you and your partner. Barrier methods come in the form of male condoms, female condoms, and dental dams. (Some STIs, such as herpes and genital warts, can be also be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, so avoid skin contact if these sores are visible. And don’t forget that even if you don’t see sores, an infection may still be present.)

Hump responsibly from start to finish.
As soon as the penis gets hard, it’s a man’s cue to “wrap it up.” Penetration before putting on a condom is risky and “pulling out” is just as bad. Why? Because the little bit of fluid that comes out a man’s penis, also known as pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-cum), can expose his sex partner to an infection and/or pregnancy. Ladies, why not take matters into your own hands and try the female condom (a pouch that’s inserted into the vagina)? Either way, male or female condoms (barrier method) are the best way to reduce your risk of contracting a fluid-based infection. However, the condom must be put on before penetration occurs. Also, keep in mind that condoms can break (especially if exposed to an oil-based product). Additionally, when using condoms, keep in mind that skin-to-skin infections such as herpes sores or genital warts may appear in areas that the condom does not cover, so they cannot provide a complete barrier against transmission.

The bright side of condoms is that they can make sex last longer and help to prevent premature ejaculation. Condoms made from latex are the most common, but if you have a latex allergy, there are condoms made of polyurethane by Durex and Lifestyles. Polyurethane condoms are slightly thinner than latex condoms, so they may increase heat from friction and sensitivity. (There are also “natural” condoms on the market that are made from animal skin, but these condoms may be porous, potentially allowing infections like HIV to penetrate.)

When engaging in oral pleasure-also known as mouth to labia, penis, or anus (technically, cunnilingus and anilingus)-it’s wise to use protection. A condom works with mouth to penis, but when it’s mouth to labia or anus, a dental dam is what you need. While this isn’t exactly the sexiest of terms, dental dams are useful for preventing transmission of infection. This square piece of latex (also available in silicone) is placed over the labia or anus during oral sex. If you can’t find a dental dam in your local pharmacy and don’t have time to order one online, not to worry-you can also use plastic wrap. And that’s no joke. Plastic wrap can be just as effective in reducing the transmission of infections like herpes, genital warts, and HIV during oral sex.

Stay Alert! Being High or Tipsy Makes Safer Sex Less Likely
You can plan and prepare all you want for safer sex, but when you mix in alcohol or other drugs, you may find yourself doing things you would never do sober. In fact, 65% of college students report that the consumption of alcohol or other drugs were involved in a recent sexual encounter.* Research also shows that alcohol plays a role in contracting STIs, unplanned pregnancies, acquaintance rape/date rape, and fighting. That being said, if you acknowledge that alcohol can affect your ability to think clearly, you should also recognize that you may feel invincible in the heat of the moment and think you don’t need a condom. Be forewarned and stay clear-headed on dates and in other situations that have the potential to turn intimate.
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*Grello, C. M., Welsh, D. P., & Harper, M. S. (2006, August.) No strings attached: The nature of casual sex in college students. The Journal of Sex Research, 43(3), 255-267. Retrieved on September 9, 2009, from Academic OneFile.

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