Home / Fiction / Teshuva, Tefila, Tzedaka – A Lover’s Guide From Rosh HaShana to Yom Kippur (Part 3 of 3)

Teshuva, Tefila, Tzedaka – A Lover’s Guide From Rosh HaShana to Yom Kippur (Part 3 of 3)

By on September 11, 2013
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A192 RoshHashanah III

DAY 10 — Erev Yom Kippur

They ate dinner earlier than usual and since Hannah cooked, Malka was left to do the dishes. The domesticity of it all didn’t escape her, and she figured it was time to have the conversation she’d been planning in her mind the whole day.

She went looking for Hannah and found her in her bathroom putting on a white dress. Malka waited until she finished dressing, admiring the view. With her blonde hair cascading down her back and totally devoid of makeup, she almost looked like an angel.

“Hannah?”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready for Kol Nidrei. I know you don’t want to set foot in another synagogue so I’ll go alone, don’t worry. Beside, this year the service is super long.”

Malka tore her eyes away from her, gathering the words she needed. Hannah was looking at herself in the mirror, oblivious to Malka’s struggle.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said.

“What for?”

“I can’t do this, Hannah.”

“Do what?”

“I can’t be in a relationship with you. This is not who I am.”

Hannah walked away from the mirror to face Malka, surprise written all over her face.

“The chickens were too much, right?”

“It’s not about the chickens,” Malka chuckled sadly.

“I’m gonna be late. I can’t have this conversation right now,” she said, putting on a white open sweater.

“I don’t— I’ll leave the keys with the doorman so you can come back in.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” and she turns around to leave her home.

………

When Malka returned from her walk, Hannah was hidden beneath a bundle of blankets on the couch in the living room. Beside the couch rested the bag that was previously in Malka’s room, full again with Hannah’s clothes.

It’s probably for the best, she thought, walking to her room.

She tossed and turned for several hours before giving up sleep altogether, so she grabbed the book from her nightstand and read for the remaining of the night.

When the sun went up, Malka debated whether to go to the office or enjoy the free days, since the inactivity was driving her crazy. But she had a killer headache courtesy of the lack of eating and sleeping, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to leave things with Hannah like that. Going to the office would be fruitless.

She heard noise outside her bedroom followed by the front door opening and closing. Hannah was probably off to the synagogue again, and it was almost two o’clock in the afternoon when she returned.

“I couldn’t leave in the middle of Yom Kippur so I booked a late flight tonight. As soon as it’s over, I’m heading to the airport,” she said when she entered the living room, finding Malka resting on the couch. “I’ll leave my luggage downstairs so you don’t have to leave me your keys.”

“You don’t have to leave.”

“I really, really do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that.”

“Well, I have to say it three times, don’t I?”

“I’m glad you managed to learn something,” she smiled lightly. “I’m gonna lie down for a while.”

Malka didn’t move so Hannah lay in front of her, spooning on the couch. She took Malka’s hand and rested it on top of her stomach as her breathing evened down.

It wasn’t long till Malka was also asleep.

When she woke up, Hannah was no longer there, her bag also gone. She rubbed her eyes and saw her laptop on the table with a bright, green post-it glued to the screen.

Play this at 7:50. Then you can eat.

She swiped the track pad to activate the screen and saw a window featuring a paused video.

She took a long shower and, unsure of the reasons, she mimicked Hannah and dressed all in white before going to the kitchen to prepare something for when the time came.

At exactly 7:50 she went to her laptop and played the video. And she just sat there, listening to the ancestral sound of the shofar, wondering for the hundredth time if she’d make the right decision.


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