“So, how many siblings do you have?” I asked him brightly, going for ironic.
He looked confused, and opened his mouth like he was about to remind me that I already knew how many siblings he had. Then he caught himself. “Oh,” he said. “That was a joke.”
I flushed. “Um, yeah. Sorry.”
“No, don’t – I’m sorry, I ruined your joke.”
“Don’t worry about it, it was a dumb joke anyway,” I mumbled.
“No, no, it was funny.”
Silence.
Or this:
“So you go by your full name now?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“When Tali told me about you, she called you Efrayim.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Actually,” scratching behind his ear and looking down at the table, “I’ve always been Efrayim. It’s just my family who calls me Effi.”
“Oh.” And all those years…
“I don’t mind if you call me Effi,” he said, and then suddenly he froze. “Not to say – that is – I wasn’t trying to imply – or assume –”
“Oh, no, I didn’t – it’s fine,” I said hurriedly.
I caught my fingers tapping and quickly sat on them.
That kind of thing.
By the time I got home, I was ready to go on a good old chocolate and wine binge. I told Tali the whole thing, and she cringed like a good friend at all the appropriate times.
I’d blown it, or he had, or we were incompatible all along. How disappointing.
He called me the next day, and I steeled myself before hitting the green button.
“Hi Shev, it’s Effi.”
“Hi.” Just get it over with.
“You do go by Shev, right? It’s not just my sister who calls you that?”
Surprised, I laughed. “Yes, I’m Shev to everyone but my drivers license.”
He laughed, too, and oh God did I want a second shot.
“Listen,” he said, “do you want to go out again tomorrow night? But maybe something more casual, like a walk instead of a meal.”
Smoothly, as if I’d never doubted it for a second, I said, “Sure, that sounds great.”
I didn’t always know this about him, but Effi has this way of saying, “We all see the elephant in the corner, but the truth is that elephants aren’t that scary. Yes, they’re big, okay, but they’re herbivores, and they’re scared of mice, so how bad can they be?” And it tends to put people at ease.
That’s what he did to me at the beginning of our second date. We were walking down the stairs of my building, and he said, “Here’s the thing. We both said yes to this, knowing who the other one is. That means we both see the potential here; we just need to harness it. Do you agree?”
It took me a few seconds to recover from the sudden bluntness. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, exactly.”
“Great.” He flashed me a smile. “So let’s just assume this is already going well and pick up from there.”
I may have melted inside a little bit, but I bounced back quickly. “Only if you agree to stop ruining my jokes. It kind of kills my confidence.”
“Sure, blame the audience instead of sharpening up your material.”
“Hey! That was quality material. At least I wasn’t the one all, ‘Don’t you remember that I have three siblings –'”
“Three siblings? Really?”
“I mean – darnit – I mean three including you.”
“Go on, since you know so much about me, tell me about these three siblings I have.”
“Jerk.” But I was laughing.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
My opinion on Jewrotica is: It’s sexy. It’s awesome. It’s Judaism to the next level. It’s what we should all be getting into!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
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