The Final Redemption
Summer 2012
I finally got my o1 visa to live and work in the States for three years. I was thrilled, but literally within weeks of getting it I fell very ill and was diagnosed with a number of different autoimmune illnesses. It was bizarre that within the space of a couple of weeks I was celebrating and then commiserating. As I learnt this was the way of life – blessings and curses all together – but only time and experience would allow me to decipher which was which. Life could be confusing like that.
For the first time ever I did proper Rosh Hashanah preparation – proper Teshuvah – I spent six weeks or so really almost on the floor of my apartment, crying, repenting, forgiving others, forgiving myself and healing.
That Rosh Hashanah was the most powerful yet. And I remember clearly in it saying to the upper worlds – for what I have sinned, and I know I have sinned so much, give me your judgment – I accept it and I hope that I will be gracious in handling it. I also thanked them for not bringing me my soulmate, for I knew that if they had done so, I would never have pushed this far on my spiritual path and transformed into being who I was really meant to be in this lifetime.
A mere six weeks after the holidays, I was glad to be slowly but surely making a miraculous recovery from my illnesses. And then one day out of the blue holidays, I received an email entitled, ‘I have a guy for you,’ from a producer friend of mine. I opened it thinking she had finally found me a videographer for a project, but no, she was setting me up with someone – totally out of the blue – I opened the picture and as I stared at the man in it I felt this sense of familiarity and deep connection to this total stranger.
It was almost like some kind of soul memory/flashbacks from lifetimes ago. It freaked me out but I agreed to the matchmaking and that night the Hero, as I came to know him, called me for the first time. There was a familiarity and ease to our conversation. When he came to collect me for our first date, and I looked him in the eye I knew this was the start of something special. My instant affinity with the Hero was on all levels – heart, body, mind and soul was like nothing I had experienced before in my life. At times when we kissed I literally felt the angels around us dancing. I knew early on that whatever happened between us meeting had proved to me that my soulmate didn’t have to be a Jew. And in that way the Hero was the answer to my prayers and provided the salvation and healing of my heart and soul.
But meeting the Hero did not dampen my enthusiasm and intrigue with Kabbalah and Jewish mysticism which continues. Whilst I stopped what I felt was akin to routine religious ritual shortly after last Rosh Hashanah and just before meeting the Hero, that in no way means my studies and adventures have stopped. Earlier this year I went to Poland and the Ukraine in freezing cold temperatures schlepping about visiting all the great Tzadiks including my beloved Reb Elimelech and Zusha as well as the Seer of Lublin and many other great souls.
I have no doubt my studies and adventures to the Tzadikim all over the world will continue. Now I know with absolute certainty that whoever I end up spending the rest of my life with, who will no doubt be the romantic love of my life, but the Torah, Zohar and the Tzadiks are part of my life and always will be – and in that sense, they are the true soul loves of my life.
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Dear Jewrotica
Confess
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