Love consumes you, it electrifies you and makes your blood flow faster, thinner, feather weighted… It devours everything in its path, it fills you and tricks you into believing there’s nothing else. No one else.
No. Love is bullshit. You lose perspective; you lose yourself, you fool. It’s never been real for her, she knows it. All of the people in her life have been there just for fun, nothing more; especially not love.
Are you sure? All of them? I don’t think so.
Oh, hush. She is not listening to the annoying voice in the back of her head. Not right now, when she’s trying to enjoy.
Trying? Not succeeding? Why not?
She is succeeding; shut up. These are not thoughts she wants to dwell on. Not ever, but especially not now. She is quite occupied. Is this really what she wants? Unattached sex? No strings? Yes. That’s why she ended up in his room, after all.
You are attached.
Indeed she is; she is attached to the bed while he fucks her, see the handcuffs? She doesn’t need more attachment than that, she can barely move as it is. Her eyes are covered. Part of the complete experience, he told her, if she wanted it. And why not, what does she have to lose?
Control.
By relinquishing control, she gains other things. Perhaps not love, perhaps not a husband, as apparently is the intention of the ridiculous holiday. But ultimately it doesn’t matter, because that’s not why she’s there. That’s not what she wants. Isn’t it? No. Stop thinking.
But she can’t. She’s feeling it, she really is. The cloth covering her eyes enhances her feelings. But also puts her mind in overdrive.
Fool.
“At hazona sheli!” He whispers, his bearded face mere inches away from her ear.
Ah, he’s a talker. He’s also the groper. What was his name? It doesn’t matter.
What is he saying? That she is sexy, or something. Whatever. It still doesn’t matter. God, he does have great hands. Who needs love with hands like these?
“Merega she’hikarti otach ratziti lezayen otach chazak.” He’s grunting while his hips collide mercilessly against her over and over again.
She hears him, she feels him inside of her; he fills her every inch and she moans to make him continue… so he won’t stop.
His hands are moving. If his tongue is like his hands, she can’t wait for him to shut up and put it to good use. It’s infuriating. Or it should be, but she’s not bothered in the least.
She’s close. She can feel the telltale signs; the warmth in the pit of her stomach, her oversensitive skin, her walls starting to clench around the man. Oh yes, now he is a man.
Her scream makes him come. It always does. Men are so suggestible.
………
“You came,” she hears, thick accent still in place.
“I did.” She’s not sure why, though.
“I’m glad,” he says. “Come in.”
“What is this all about?” She asks, hoping to get an answer this time.
“I told you: love.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, impress me. I’m already here, aren’t I?”
“I’m not,” he assures. “Tu B’Av is about love, romance, courtship, perhaps even finding a husband.” He winks. “It’s a night of full moon.”
“Ah.” Of course. She can read between the lines. Full moon, fertility, sex.
“It is believed that on this day, mystical, enigmatic forces orchestrate lovers to meet.” She barely understands him but his voice is dark, enthralling, and utterly addictive.
“Love is the ultimate surrender,” he says standing behind her.
She feels him wrapping a cloth over her eyes.
………
The initial buzz, the overwhelming desire, the unbridled lust, that’s the first stage of love. It’s hormonal, testosterone and estrogen. Then the attraction deepens; you are stimulated but sedated at the same time, you feel euphoric, confident, aggressive, and hyperactive; it gives you pleasure, it motivates you. Blame the serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. The final stage is attachment, oxytocin. You feel content, calm and secure, your trust increases and your fear reduces. You feel powerful, invincible. You feel in love.
Love is a drug. It’s a placebo.
She was right all along. It’s not about love, it never was.
Finally, she thinks as she feels his tongue spreading over her wet folds. This is what it’s all about. Why have love when you can have this?
Right?
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
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