I have immensely enjoyed physicality with men I did not have feelings for, but it always felt better when it was a uniting experience and not one solely for my own pleasure. Even in relationships where I was in love, sometimes desire was the overwhelming factor. I have had just one significant other (and things ended badly), with whom, I would argue, 90% of our physical experiences were transcendent. It could be slow and romantic or hard and fast, private or public, but whatever the fashion, it was always about our mutual pleasure, our mutual excitement, our desire to be connected in every moment and shake the earth with our love.
And yet I struggle with this knowledge because I know that Judaism would prefer I have these kinds of experiences only when I’m married or at the very least in a serious, monogamous relationship, and sometimes that just isn’t the case. That push-pull between what I think Judaism wants from me and what I sometimes want for myself is a constant struggle.
– Female, 23, The Village (NYC)
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