Back at school over an afternoon tea break, my friends and I devised a plan for me to attend Jewish assembly. I was concerned that I would stick out like a sore thumb and be caught out literally as the only dark face amongst a crowd of pale-faced, largely Eastern European Jews.
“It will be ok,” they reassured me. “We can pass you off as a really dark Israeli or an Ethiopian Jew.” “Actually you look quite Ethiopian,” one of my friends remarked, prodding my dark stick-like legs. “But you HAVE to be able to sing the Shema,” one of my other friends piped up. I looked around quizzically. My friends explained that the Shema was considered the most powerful and important prayer in Judaism and if I was to pull off being a Jew in Jewish assembly, albeit a dark Jew, I ought to sing the Shema along with everyone else. My friend Michelle decided the best way for me to learn it was to learn the English pronunciation of the Hebrew words, so she scrawled it down for me on a piece of paper alongside an explanation of each sentence. Every day for the next few weeks, I fervently recited the words at every given opportunity – including at home when I thought I was out of earshot.
Finally, just after my twelfth birthday, I was ready. As I sat amongst my friends I couldn’t help but worry that the Rabbis or a teacher would recognise me as an outsider. One Rabbi stared at me a little quizzically, but when I locked eyes with him he smiled warmly, and as he looked to the other Rabbi he shrugged his shoulders. Their lecture was all about the festival of Chanukah (and excitingly we were given donuts at the end), and there was much speak of the Torah and of Hashem. “Who’s Hashem?” I asked my friend inquisitively. “Hashem is G-d” she explained. “It means ‘His name’ we aren’t allowed to say His actual name.
I was intrigued and wanted to know more about this Hashem – it was such a stark contrast to the several Hindu deities I had grown up learning about – whilst Hinduism too recognises there is one supreme, universal Spirit that is the origin and support of the universe, I had grown up largely being exposed to the concept that we should pray / give an offering to deity X for X in return. This concept of one divine G-d whose name we didn’t even utter resonated deeply with my twelve-year-old self. I wanted to know more.
As we rose and sang the Shema together, I closed my eyes and sung with heart and soul, the words I had been practicing falling effortlessly from my lips. When I opened my eyes I found myself staring across the room and locking eyes with one of the Rabbis who stared back at me intensely. The assembly over, we all grabbed a donut and scrambled out together, my friends questioning me about my experience and giggling at my heartfelt (albeit hardly in dulcet tones) singing of the Shema.
That evening when I was back at home I reflected upon my experience that day. I knew that going forward, I would evade Christian assembly as much as I could to go to Jewish assembly. It was illogical, but a spark had been ignited in my heart. My soul had felt something that I had never felt before and a journey had begun. Little did I know the bumps and curves in the path, or to whom, what or where it would lead.
To be continued in Part II of IV…
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
My opinion on Jewrotica is: It’s sexy. It’s awesome. It’s Judaism to the next level. It’s what we should all be getting into!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
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