As to the correlation between Orthodoxy and sexual repression, well… all I can say is that your mileage may vary – if you find the right person, you can easily combine a healthy and satisfying sex life with observance. The “repression” you observed is probably more a function of prevailing cultural and societal norms than it is a reflection of authentic Judaism.
Judaism dictates that sexual pleasure is a woman’s right and a man’s obligation (see Talmud, Ketubot 61b and Eruvin 100b). Furthermore, the Mishneh Torah, in Laws Concerning Forbidden Relations 21:9 states “Since a man’s wife is permitted to him, he may act with her in any manner whatsoever. He may have intercourse with her whenever he so desires and kiss any organ of her body he wishes, and he may have intercourse with her naturally or unnaturally, provided that he does not expend semen to no purpose. Nevertheless, it is an attribute of piety that a man should not act in this matter with levity and that he should sanctify himself at the time of intercourse.”
Regarding the technicalities, Shmuley Boteach’s book “Kosher Sex” is chock-full of information. Rabbi Boteach believes that a healthy sexual relationship can indeed include oral sex if the purpose is not to frustrate the impregnation process. In other words, if the purpose is to make sex pleasurable, then it’s okay. It seems to me that you possess a healthy concern for your mate’s pleasure, so that’s a good thing. Now of course Boteach’s position is a controversial one and not all Rabbis agree with it. You can and should certainly discuss the details with your favorite Rabbi but ultimately, what goes on behind closed doors is between you, your mate and God.
I’ve been surprised and sometimes downright shocked by how lenient many Rabbis can be when it comes to “permitting” all different types of sexual positions and ejaculations – including oral sex, anal sex, vibrators of all kinds, deviant sexual behavior and even masturbation – depending on the circumstances. Not that I necessarily recommend Rabbi “shopping”, but it is common and accepted to ask different questions to different Rabbis depending on their areas of expertise. The most critical thing to remember about sex is communication – before, during, and after sex. Chances are, if it’s something that both you and your partner are into, there is most likely a way to make it permissible if you are open and honest with each other and with a Rabbi that you trust.
As someone who has journeyed from an irreligious background to an observant one, the dating thing was insanely burdensome. Particularly due to what you have described. However, what I did learn during my journey is that there are hundreds of different opinions regarding halacha and what you do may be fine according to one rabbi and assur according to the next. For example, sex positions: a frequently circulating opinion within religious circles is that the best sex position is missionary with lights off. Well… it never states so in the Torah. In addition, there is a separate teaching that stresses the importance of physical relationship between husband and wife to the point that anything is permissible as long as it makes the couple happy. Therefore, 69, doggy style, reverse cowgirl and anything else you can think of is fine. The only thing it does say in the Torah is that G-d killed Onan and his brother because they spilled their seed – meaning they refused to ejaculate inside of a woman. One teaching is that this means that the man must always cum inside the woman’s vagina. My retort, however, is that it doesn’t really say where inside the woman a man should ejaculate…
And by the way… don’t stress over G-spot. There are so many nerve endings in that region that as long as you pay attention to all, you’ll leave your partner extremely content and yearning for more.
Ditto everything everyone else said. But especially the point that David and Larisa made about the many halachic permits given in order for couples to feel good together and get sexual satisfaction together. It sounds like you might not have actually talked to a rabbi about this, and I’d encourage you to find one who you connect with, and have the conversation. I suspect you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
Such an amazing experience! The Sarah Lawrence Jewrotica workshop was more than I could have ever expected – a comfortable, safe, sultry environment where participants clearly felt good about sharing or listening to each other’s intimate experiences and relating them to sexy stories from the Torah. From the moment the workshop began, Ayo had a sweet presence that was kinetic and spread around the room; her storytelling abilities had everyone enraptured and made the conversation topics relata… Read more
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.
Copyright © 2014 Jewrotica.org. All Rights Reserved.
Built with Love and Mischief.
Designed by Ayo Oppenheimer and
David Abitbol
0 comments