My community had prepared me so well for so many aspects of “real life” and the “real world.” The small and supportive environment of the yeshiva day school system built me into a strong young adult with confidence, and allowed me to avoid the angsty and self-doubting period that many teenagers experience. Further, being enrolled in a dual-curriculum for twelve years made the transition to university academics much smoother as – though my college courses were demanding – my schedule was less rigorous than in high school.
However, I wished that there was something that would have better prepared me for a healthy and mature understanding of my own sexuality. Prior to getting married, I took a series of preparatory lessons from a kallah (bridal) teacher. Though the vast majority of the teaching pertained to the laws of family purity (niddah) and immersion in the ritual bath (mikvah), my kallah teacher did mention that many couples find lube to be helpful, and that it would be worthwhile to invest in some.
This matter-of-fact advice scandalized me. Her comment was so frank, so sexual. So… dirty. I’m lucky that I can look back on that memory and laugh. It isn’t easy to get over the idea that sex is somehow shameful or wrong, and I know plenty of people who still struggle.
My path towards self-acceptance was fairly unorthodox. Two years ago, I “hacked” my life and began a grand adventure. I let up the lease on my NYC apartment, gave away most of my worldly belongings, bought an RV and took my first baby steps out of the cocoon of my beautiful Modern Orthodox community. I have spent the past two years on the road, traveling North America, volunteering, seeing the national parks and guest-teaching in Jewish communities.
My travels have taken me to powerfully interesting places and brought me into contact with new cultures that challenged my ideas. Perhaps the most influential was the sex-positive community, who believe that any sexual activity between able-minded and consenting adults is inherently fine and should not be taboo. This might not sound revolutionary to mainstream secular society, but for many people raised in the observant community, it is in fact a novel idea.
Unlike the secular sex-positive community, observant Jews must reconcile desire with halacha. However, despite certain restrictions, Judaism is all about the sanctification and elevation of everything in life–including sex. We have no concept of Original Sin, and we are commanded to be fruitful.
But our current understandings of tzniut (modesty) and religious stringencies, coupled with living in a sex-negative Christian diaspora, have so permeated our consciousness that we observant Jews are being held in ignorance about our own sexuality. We’re supposed to wait until we get married to even pursue any real knowledge of sexuality and then – once the “no / don’t” is sufficiently ingrained within us after years of upbringing – we are told to flip a switch on our wedding night and largely figure the rest out on our own.
We all draw our lines in different places vis-a-vis privacy and modesty standards, and I respect that. But – beyond entertainment value – my core motivation in dreaming up Jewrotica is to educate and transform the silence into a meaningful dialogue while looping in the larger Jewish community to join the conversation.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my story and motivation. I welcome your thoughts and, in the next post, I’ll speak about the transition from idea to reality and introduce you to the incredible Jewrotica team!
Light and Love,
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
Such an amazing experience! The Sarah Lawrence Jewrotica workshop was more than I could have ever expected – a comfortable, safe, sultry environment where participants clearly felt good about sharing or listening to each other’s intimate experiences and relating them to sexy stories from the Torah. From the moment the workshop began, Ayo had a sweet presence that was kinetic and spread around the room; her storytelling abilities had everyone enraptured and made the conversation topics relata… Read more
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.
Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
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