Alright, maybe this graphic is more of an “R” or “PG-13”, but we promise that the writing for this piece is all “PG”…
I see nothing wrong with a skirt becoming a sort of yarmulke, as long as it is openly acknowledged as such, and women are taught that there is a valid opinion within Jewish law that allows pants. That way, a woman can choose to wear a skirt in order to actively identify as Orthodox; this choice may imbue her wardrobe with religious and personal resonance.
Instead, women are often simply taught that pants are forbidden, and not informed of the pants-enabling opinion. After all, it’s common knowledge that buying Castro jeans is only a condom away from having wild hot sex with the Palestinian pretzel-seller against the Jaffa gate, as the Jewish police ogle. (Holy herring – I think I might have just found the solution to the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict!)
Besides the whole “women-making-informed-choices” shpiel, there is another problem to the “pants-as-a-marker-of-religiosity” phenomenon: It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Orthodox women feel pressured to wear skirts in order to be perceived as observant, therefore, most religious women wear skirts, therefore women who wear pants are judged even more, continuing the cycle of societal coercion.
For example, I recently spoke to a female Jewish educator who asked me why I was not going into Jewish education. My answer: I am willing to wear elbow-length sleeves and knee-length skirts to school every day, in order to be a modest role-model for my students, but I am unwilling to dress that way outside of the classroom. Unfortunately, most places where I would want to work wouldn’t hire somebody who wears short sleeves, even when she is “off-duty.” The educator’s response was simple: I was being silly. After all, she herself didn’t believe in wearing elbow-length sleeves or knee-length skirts, but she decided to do it anyway, in order to gain the respect she needed to be a successful educator in Orthodox society. My only problem with that is, how many women look at her and assume that if she dresses that way, she must believe it is a Jewish legal obligation, figuring that since she’s the more educated one, all her choices must be right?
Of course, it is possible to dress according to the letter of the law, while still dressing in an immodest fashion: Trust me, I used to be a Sem girl. To claim that wearing skirts symbolizes a rejection of materialistic and sexualized secular values is wishful thinking. It’s even possible to wear skirts exclusively and have pre-marital sex – shocker, I know.
But the bigger problem is why Orthodox society has started defining religiosity in terms of attire and sexual behavior – two actions that are in a sense, opposite, one being extremely public, the other being extremely private – yet two actions that are intricately bound up with gender and sexuality. There are so many beautiful, rich teachings within Orthodox Judaism, so many texts and laws that can fill the mind with wonder. By focusing on the sexual realm as a definer of Orthodox identity, we risk not only alienating individuals, but also reducing our religion to something it is not, thus causing a desecration of God’s name.
While I feel uncomfortable with the idea of judging anyone’s religiosity, if we are going to have a standard, why shouldn’t it be guided by the Biblical injunctions of “love your neighbor as yourself” or “let not a gossiper be found among you”? After all, as Micah said (6:8): “What does God ask of you, except for to carry out justice and a love of kindness, and to walk modestly with God?”. Modesty stands as equal – not superior to – love, justice, and kindness.
*Avnei Tzedek on Yoreh Deah, 72. Lifted from “Women and Mitzvot: The Modest Way”, by Rabbi Getsel Ellison.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
Copyright © 2014 Jewrotica.org. All Rights Reserved.
Built with Love and Mischief.
Designed by Ayo Oppenheimer and
David Abitbol
2 Comments