We visited her commune with the express intention of sex-friend-poaching, but unfortunately, no one struck our fancy. (Another complication of relationship threesomes: you need to have marginally similar tastes.) This, at least, spared us the horror of having to concoct some line about “exploring new horizons together.” (It was our first time; we couldn’t help but couch our shameful desires in blurry euphemism.)
We continued to probe, tentatively, at the outskirts of the hippie community, and got bolder when we noticed some beautiful girl on the street, even going so far as to smile. (If nothing else, trolling for a threesome made me less socially awkward, an unintended benefit.) Yet I was beginning to notice an unflattering trend: every time my boyfriend scoped a potential girl, I would immediately become jealous. I would worry that she was hotter, more experienced, better in bed. This insecurity immediately extinguished any spark of desire for her.
In order to make this worth it, I would need to be extremely attracted to whatever girl we chose, hoping that fervent attraction would counteract the initial jealousy of realizing, jarringly, that I am not the end-all, be-all of female beauty. But jealousy and fear kill attraction outright. I was rejecting girls who were ostensibly “my type” because I was afraid of feeling superfluous in my own bedroom.
Like Dar Williams, I “will not be afraid of women.” But I was negotiating my boundaries, my sexual comfort level, with the reckless abandonment that only comes when you’ve got something to prove. In trying to turn a threesome into some kind of point about feminist empowerment–of unabashed post-Orthodox hedonism–I was succeeding only in wringing out its inherent sexiness, reducing it to an awkward intellectual exercise. And to divorce sex from desire or emotion is to divorce it from any sort of pleasure.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
The people behind Jewrotica are quite quality! I have confidence that any project these folks take on will be equally quality.
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
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