Alright, maybe this graphic is more of an “R” or “PG-13”, but we promise that the writing for this piece is all “PG”…
I see nothing wrong with a skirt becoming a sort of yarmulke, as long as it is openly acknowledged as such, and women are taught that there is a valid opinion within Jewish law that allows pants. That way, a woman can choose to wear a skirt in order to actively identify as Orthodox; this choice may imbue her wardrobe with religious and personal resonance.
Instead, women are often simply taught that pants are forbidden, and not informed of the pants-enabling opinion. After all, it’s common knowledge that buying Castro jeans is only a condom away from having wild hot sex with the Palestinian pretzel-seller against the Jaffa gate, as the Jewish police ogle. (Holy herring – I think I might have just found the solution to the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict!)
Besides the whole “women-making-informed-choices” shpiel, there is another problem to the “pants-as-a-marker-of-religiosity” phenomenon: It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Orthodox women feel pressured to wear skirts in order to be perceived as observant, therefore, most religious women wear skirts, therefore women who wear pants are judged even more, continuing the cycle of societal coercion.
For example, I recently spoke to a female Jewish educator who asked me why I was not going into Jewish education. My answer: I am willing to wear elbow-length sleeves and knee-length skirts to school every day, in order to be a modest role-model for my students, but I am unwilling to dress that way outside of the classroom. Unfortunately, most places where I would want to work wouldn’t hire somebody who wears short sleeves, even when she is “off-duty.” The educator’s response was simple: I was being silly. After all, she herself didn’t believe in wearing elbow-length sleeves or knee-length skirts, but she decided to do it anyway, in order to gain the respect she needed to be a successful educator in Orthodox society. My only problem with that is, how many women look at her and assume that if she dresses that way, she must believe it is a Jewish legal obligation, figuring that since she’s the more educated one, all her choices must be right?
Of course, it is possible to dress according to the letter of the law, while still dressing in an immodest fashion: Trust me, I used to be a Sem girl. To claim that wearing skirts symbolizes a rejection of materialistic and sexualized secular values is wishful thinking. It’s even possible to wear skirts exclusively and have pre-marital sex – shocker, I know.
But the bigger problem is why Orthodox society has started defining religiosity in terms of attire and sexual behavior – two actions that are in a sense, opposite, one being extremely public, the other being extremely private – yet two actions that are intricately bound up with gender and sexuality. There are so many beautiful, rich teachings within Orthodox Judaism, so many texts and laws that can fill the mind with wonder. By focusing on the sexual realm as a definer of Orthodox identity, we risk not only alienating individuals, but also reducing our religion to something it is not, thus causing a desecration of God’s name.
While I feel uncomfortable with the idea of judging anyone’s religiosity, if we are going to have a standard, why shouldn’t it be guided by the Biblical injunctions of “love your neighbor as yourself” or “let not a gossiper be found among you”? After all, as Micah said (6:8): “What does God ask of you, except for to carry out justice and a love of kindness, and to walk modestly with God?”. Modesty stands as equal – not superior to – love, justice, and kindness.
*Avnei Tzedek on Yoreh Deah, 72. Lifted from “Women and Mitzvot: The Modest Way”, by Rabbi Getsel Ellison.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
Such an amazing experience! The Sarah Lawrence Jewrotica workshop was more than I could have ever expected – a comfortable, safe, sultry environment where participants clearly felt good about sharing or listening to each other’s intimate experiences and relating them to sexy stories from the Torah. From the moment the workshop began, Ayo had a sweet presence that was kinetic and spread around the room; her storytelling abilities had everyone enraptured and made the conversation topics relata… Read more
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
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