- The Good Stuff
- Contact Us
Written by Rabbi Melinda “BracHa” Bernstein. Rabbi Melinda “BracHa”, a first-time Jewrotica writer, is also a nominee for the People’s Choice for Jewrotica’s Sexiest Rabbi’s contest: Hottest Date: At The End Of Friday Night Services, Who Do You Want To Go Home With…For A Shabbat Meal?
Shalom and thank you for joining me in the bedroom of Judaism. I invite you to take your shoes off, rub your hands and feet together, freshen up a little, get in your sexiest lounge-wear and breathe a few sacred breaths before we begin to unveil the core issues hiding under the bed and in between the sheets of the bedroom of Judaism. At the juicy ripe age of 55, I’m trying to carry my story forward and with a dose of ancestral wisdom added to my deep mysterious sexual wellness quest. I feel (and hope you do too) that my sober share will be meaningful to you.
As Rabbi Hillel said in Ethics of the Fathers 1:14, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?” I remember the very day I chose to “be outward for myself and others”. It was Mother’s Day 2009 and both my children were going to college. We were planning to sell the “family home” and I received my S’Micha, my Rabbinical Ordination to “evolve my way into wholeness as a woman and as a Rabbi. What my plans were… only G’d knew for sure! In any event, I had been coaching and healing myself and other women (with yogic, energy box and with my self-taught Rabbinical toolbox) only to find that my mantra “After me, you come first” was in alignment with the “new self” paradigm I and so many others who find themselves in an identity shift need to explore. I had been asking myself “who am I now, where will I go, what will I teach/learn, when will I be heard and how will I get there”.
In Parsha Lech Lecha, we read “Go, get yourself away from your country, your birthplace, your father’s house” (Genesis 12:1). By going, Avraham was promised by G’d that his descendants would become a great nation. In addition, G’d told Avraham “Whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her”. (Genesis 21:12). Henceforth the power of a woman’s word is greater than any warriors sword or ancestral cords. With the power of stored sexual energy, a woman can weave a web of luscious loving from the deep well of her vagina’s wisdom. How she gets there is defined, designed and aligned by the divine plan of G’d’s will. What she does during the road-map to unveiling her essence is not only under the sheets; it manifests slowly while on the awakening path.
I hope you are as curious as I am about the healing powers of love, sex and spirit. During the course of history (or her’story), Jewish women have felt the urge and desire to create a loving space for their families, their husbands, lovers and the like. During the course of time, our current generation has developed skills and tools that enable a shift in “Torah bedroom eyes”. What are “Torah bedroom eyes”? Well, I’m not exactly certain there is one set of eyes in the bedroom of Judaism, nor is there one person in bed with you when you make love to your beloved (or beloveds). You see, as I evolved and as many women evolve, exploring the meaning of sex also means identifying wounds waiting to be unleashed, and subsequently healed, inside the vagina. (This alone is a topic that needs more exploring, wouldn’t you agree?).
Many ways that our changing views are often skewed are due to the complexity of polyamory, the role of our ancestor’s “pilegesh” and polygamy, the vast and rich tantric world, not to mention the feelings that go along with being labeled a lesbian, heterosexual, bisexual, transgender… And what about the ambiguity to claim “I am androgynous”! Well, of course we are built with masculine and feminine energies, sourced by divine wisdom! Of course, we are all at different levels of awareness in this “beingness” and of course, we all may be one BUT we all have a different role in G’ds play! So when I choose not to live by psycho-sexual conditions, I choose to feel in my heart…and by choosing my heart, sexual liberation, juicy joy, sensuality in all its definition simply becomes me. But that wasn’t always the case.
Remember one thing as you seek your wisdom. The Baal Shem Tov said “Everyone is unique. Compare not yourself with anyone else lest you spoil G’ds curriculum”. This important message is a great clue that your wisdom is special, your vagina (or the vagina you seek) has gifts and it is clearly your responsibility to find the key ingredients that make up the purpose of your soul message to bring out the juicy, sensuality that is bubbling up in the healing process.
It is interesting that much of the essence of Sarah’s voice to Avraham was channeled through the voice of G’d and for this, the Jewish people are divinely blessed. I’m truly seeing that with Sarah’s divinity, in all her bareness, she filled up her void with holy and sacred voice. May all women learn the blessings of her wisdom!
I feel it best that we all ask ourselves how willing are we to open our hearts, to trust and feel safe before we enter the bedroom because if we know our heart and soul are climbing into bed with physical aches, emotional wounds or unfinished conversations of the ancestor’s, then we are leaving ourselves vulnerable to energy cords from partners and will eventually build up a collection of massive shame, guilt and cleanup work to do. This was the case of my life and by 2005 I chose to delve into sexual healing so that I could pave the way for myself, for my children and for America’s Judaism to undo attachments, misconceptions & illusory veils. We need to rebirth ourselves as whole, to climb into bed, either in sexually healing or awakening mode… With this I mean, we need to be clearly committed to FULL intimacy, to get the blessing of what is scribed in Judaic sacred wisdom.
The Talmud relates the story about two great rabbis: Rabbi Kahana and his great teacher Rav. One day, the Talmud says, Rabbi Kahana went and hid under his teacher’s bed and heard his teacher Rav engaged in conversation and passionate foreplay with Mrs. Rav. Hearing their passionate interaction, Rabbi Kahana forgot his cover and exclaimed, “It seems like your first time together!” Rav realized someone was under the bed and asked, “Kahana, is that you? It is not good manners to hide under your teacher’s bed.” Rabbi Kahana answered from under the bed, “It is Torah and I have to learn it.”
What a revelation it must’ve been to the Rav. What an opportunity it must’ve been and I wonder what happened after that event??? Is sex Torah ? Is Torah sex? Do we wait to have sex before marriage? In what context do we take this midrash of Rav Kahana’s “good” manners? Where does spirituality, sexuality, sensuality and Torah connect? How does Torah become alive in our cells, glands, tissues, organs and most importantly, our hearts? So many questions, so little time…If I could simply call G’d and get the answers whenever I pleased, then life would be filled with less tsuris and more bliss!
Much of the answer lies with the woman who becomes erotic, as through her eroticism, Torah comes alive. It is the woman who rebirths a new reality through her womb exploration. It is a woman who goes into the abyss of pleasure and pain to discover what it is that makes them happy and whole. Basically, most Jewish woman of my generation (including myself) were not taught the art of eroticism or how to evolve sexually in a natural setting. In my case, I was taught not to trust or feel safe as I grew up with a father who was a narcotics policeman on Miami Beach and a mother who lovingly nurtures through the “Jewish mind”; conditioned to build strength, survival and protection. Sex seemed hidden and confusion was the result. Oy.
Well where is the Torah in that reality, I wondered? I’m trusting that all the washing I’ve done of my sexual laundry and the purification of my bedroom sheets because if not now, when? After 20+ years of marriage, I am plagued with toxicity (hidden between the bedroom sheets), which you can read more about in my book 7 Steps to a Peaceful Heart After Divorce.
I’ll turn anything into a blessing because blessing “Bracha” is my middle name and with that focus, I must heal sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. It’s my tikkun and as the story goes, L’Dor V’Dor, (from generation to generation) there’s always room for Tikkun.
When I enter into a mindful Jewish home, I feel peacefulness and love and this foundation is the most beautiful expression of Torah. This is called “Shalom Bayit”. I crave all homes to have this feeling and would crawl into your heart, lie in your bed and hold sacred that which you need to hold in order to make whole the places that feel empty! I’ve been called the light that fills up a room, the anchor that grounds your intention, the magical mystery woman and many shadow versions of Rabbi. Just don’t try to figure me out, let me help you figure yourself out and we’ll make love last, sex better and your flirt with sacredness a great opening of your heart! Because the way I see it, we create through sexual energy, we were created through sexual energy and once unleashed… sexual energy is more potent than creation itself!
If you are willing to place your heart in mine, together we build enormous faith and trust that G’d would show us the way, somehow, some way. What I discovered in my search is that neurotic can become a very juicy erotic, victims can become victors, drama and trauma can be churned and eventually turn into dharma and a woman’s vagina is a deep cosmic well of energetic information. This conversation that the vagina holds is hidden so well, so deep in the folds of her essence that it takes great strength, loving partnerships, authentic sharing and most of all… devotion to dissolve the commotion that takes place as love of self unfolds.
In speaking of commotion, I mean the illusions that mirror our fears, the stories that live in our cellular energy, the challenge of being in intimacy “into me I see” or “into we I see” or “into thee I see”…The mysterious force that brings awareness is the “yetzer hara” versus the “yetzer tov” known as “bad and good inclination”. We bring form to our thoughts and ideas of sexuality based on fear, based on stories carried forward…Love is the answer to build a new pattern of choice and learning to love the essence of vagina unfolding dissolves pain, creates pleasure and in return…Shalom Bayit is “beyond the Jewish bedroom!” Torah is sex and sex is Torah” Torah means “knowing”. The Torah states: “Now Adam knew Eve, his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain”. (Genesis 4:1). The keyword here is “knew” or “knowing”. Henceforth, when the two merge we are in bed together!
What I feel we need, as a culture, is to reach into our core, to open a new door and have shame and guilt no be our mantra! In my cosmic dreams, I travel with Shechinah into the bedroom of Judaism and dance in the energy vortex for healing our planet. In my cosmic dreams, Shechinah and I dance with the malachim, the angels, and spirit guides to deliver a purification model for humanity to emulate. In my cosmic dreams, life is flowing in passion and pleasure, nu?
So, if you see a door, would you go through it to find more? More of what, Torah or sex? What about both? Where is the disconnect of our intimacy? Where is the sacred feminine wisdom and why does it hide? Why does G’d, Shechinah, Hashem, Elohim, Malachim… hide?
To help us find our way back, this is the reason! If pleasure were in plain sight, then there would be no need to seek. When the vagina is awakened with deep sacred wisdom and pleasure, then the penis feels the holy unified Torah upon entering her temple. So we search and search, put the pieces together, longing for love in all the right places, seeking to be intimate “in between the sheets of Judaism” as we wait for wisdom to awaken, while the Kabbalah of our birthright remains a mystery.
I invite you to learn the sacred breath… Simply breathe into the light of chochmah and binah, Hashem and Shechinah, beingness of husband and wife, beloveds, partners & playmates and place the two sided yetzer hara/yetzer tov upon your soul, to be polished, nurtured and treasured… until we become the treasure stone of knowledge. We don’t need the apple, we are the apple!
From my bedroom, I remain… in faith… with love… unfolding… unwinding the breath… digging deeper into the well of my reflection… totally vulnerable… so that I can bring the bedroom, your bedroom into the light of Shalom Bayit, into the heart of the matter of sexual healing, into the sacred wisdom that I own (with pleasure and still some pain) and into the edge of your holy possibility so that all our tikkun be heard, addressed and modeled for the next generation. L’Dor V’Dor ~ may our juicy souls soar!
With Juicy Love,