Onanism, Daughters-in-Law and Moshiach

As if a natural, the once-demure Tamar negotiates a price that she will charge her father-in-law to have sex with her – knowing, of course, that she will never collect it. She shrewdly requests Judah’s signet ring, his cloak, and his staff as collateral until her payment is delivered. “So he gave them to her, and he came to her, and she conceived to him. Then she arose and went away, and she took off her veil, and she donned her widow’s garb.” Genesis, 38:18-19.

True to his word, Judah tries to send payment to the prostitute, but, of course, fails to find her, and he despairs for ever recovering his signet ring, cloak or staff. Then he hears some disturbing news: “after nearly three months, that it was told to Judah, saying, ‘Your daughter in law Tamar has played the harlot, and behold, she is pregnant from harlotry.'” Judah immediately responds: “Bring her out, and let her be burned.”

Harsh! From Judah’s perspective, years had passed since Tamar played any role in his family. He deliberately did not marry her to Shelah, fearful for Shelah’s life. What claim did he have on her? Why does it seem as though Judah was in the position of authority when it came to Tamar’s fate?

Tamar does not announce the identity of her babies’ father. She simply sends the signet ring, cloak and staff to her father-in-law, with the following message: “From the man to whom these belong I am pregnant. Please recognize whose signet ring, cloak, and staff are these?”

Judah’s reaction is both fascinating and perplexing. “Judah recognized them, and he said, ‘She is right, [it is] from me, because I did not give her to my son Shelah.'” Not only is she not killed, but the Torah concludes that “he did not _____ to be intimate with her.” Now, there is a dispute as to what word belongs in that blank. Accordingly to one opinion, the correct translation of the Hebrew word “Yasaf” is “continue.” Thus the verse is really saying, that despite Judah’s acknowledgment that Tamar was right, “[nevertheless,] he did not continue to be intimate with her” – i.e., it was a one-time thing; forgivable, but not to be repeated. Accordingly to another opinion, however, “Yasaf” translates as “cease.” Thus, not only did Judah acknowledge Tamar’s righteousness, but “he did not cease to be intimate with her” – i.e., Tamar and Judah became a sexual couple.

Many puzzle over the level of apparent injustice evident in this story. Before Judah realized that it was he that had impregnated Tamar, she was deserving of the death penalty. But once he knew that she pregnant from her father-in-law, she was off the hook? What changed? And wouldn’t a non-relative have been a less scandalous sexual partner than her own father-in-law? And why was she deserving of death in the first place? The story smacks of narcissism, yet Judah was a particularly righteous and upright individual. It is Judah whom Jacob entrusts with Benjamin for the brothers’ second descent into the uncertain dangers of Egypt. It is Judah that stands up to Joseph on Benjamin’s behalf, believing him to a cruel Egyptian viceroy. And it is Judah that Jacob later sends to Egypt as an advance scout to establish a Jewish infrastructure. Is it possible that this same Judah could be guilty of treating Tamar with such injustice?

Ramban explains as follows:

Judah very much wanted Tamar in the family. And he knew why his first two sons had died. His concern was not that Tamar would be responsible for Shelah’s death, but that Shelah was too young to not repeat the mistakes of his older brothers. He was still too immature to have learned the proper respect for women and for marriage. Judah intended to educate Shelah in these things, and then – when he was confident that Shelah was ready for it – to have him marry Tamar. Tamar thought that Shelah was sufficiently grown, and since Judah made no noises regarding her marriage, she concluded that Judah did not intend to have her marry Shelah. And so she took matters into her own hands.

The practice of Levirate marriage was not then what it is today. In Deuteronomy, the Torah actually limits the institution of the Levirate marriage that had existed for centuries prior. Before the Torah, Levirate marriage was a much bigger deal. It invoked a family’s honor, and the honor of and respect for the deceased. Before the Torah, there was a family commitment to ensure that the widow of a family member would be remarried to another with the husband’s family. The first choice would be a brother. But if there was no brother, then the duty would fall upon the father. But it had to be someone from the husband’s family, and she was regarded as betrothed until she was finally remarried.

So, if it wasn’t to be Shelah, it was to be Judah. Tamar found Judah more appealing in any event; he was one of the now-renowned twelve tribes, and perhaps the strongest of them. He was a leader, a prince, of the place that he now inhabited, and a righteous one at that. And so she embarked upon her plan to seduce him.

When Judah learned that Tamar was pregnant, concluding that she had been with a non-family member, he condemned her to death, in keeping with the laws of the community. She was consecrated to her deceased husband’s family, yet she had slept with another. However, when he learned that it was he that had impregnated her, he realized that the Levirate marriage had been properly consummated – if not by the brother of the deceased, then at least by his father.

Epilogue:

About four months later, Tamar gave birth to twin boys: Peretz and Zerach, named by their proud father, Judah. Through a direct patriarchal line, Peretz is the great-great-great grandfather of King David, who is the first to fulfill’s Judah’s destiny of fathering the Jewish royal family, and the ancestor of the righteous Moshiach.

Interestingly, it is with Kind David’s patriarchal great-grandfather that two of our most scandalous biblical stories converge. Boaz meets and marries Ruth, a convert, and a descendant of Moab. They both had interesting family tales to share. Boaz surely shared the story of his ancestors, Judah and Tamar, and their unorthodox union; and Ruth surely told of how her ancestor was conceived, in a dark cave in the mountains overlooking the smoking crater that was once Sodom, and of a union between Lot and his eldest daughter. Boaz and Ruth have Oved; Oved has Yishai (Jesse), and Yishai has David.

Why is there such a prominent incestuous vein running through the lineage of one of our holiest families?

As I mentioned several weeks ago, Jewish mysticism explains that this world is a mirror image of the heavenly realm. Incest in this world reflects an extremely and lofty level in the world above; a supernal union so intense that the world could not contain it without it being locked away as a taboo. Moshiach, too, is charged with bringing the world a light that is too concentrated to be introduced to the world directly, and needs to be brought in “through a back door,” as it were. This is why Moshiach and his ancestors themselves were introduced to this world in the shadows of taboo relationships; for that is how the other-worldly infiltrates our universe.

As G-d told Moses: “You will not be able to see My face, for man shall not see Me and live….[rather] you will see My back but My face shall not be seen.” Exodus, 33:20-23. With our consciousness, we can only see “back” – not “face.” Perhaps this is also why the Talmud states (Sanhedrin, 97) that Moshiach will come when we are “unawares”; for he will herald a state of revelation that is so strong that it cannot be directly captured by our consciousness, and must creep in from a sub- or supra-conscious level in order for us to adapt to and absorb it, while still retaining our sense of identity and purpose.

May it be speedily in our days.