When we weren’t fucking – or trying unsuccessfully to grade together – Chana and I often talked about religion. I’d had modern Orthodox friends in college, but I’d never dated a woman for whom Judaism was so central. Though she didn’t keep Shabbat, or go to synagogue, she lit candles every Friday night and read the Midrash on Saturdays. I was fascinated. I knew so little about my father’s family history, other than that they were Austrian Jews and most had died in the Holocaust. Chana gave me a window into a world both exotic and familiar. My infatuation with her bled into a fascination with my own Jewish heritage. But Chana never failed to remind me — with a scrupulousness that was kind, firm, and disconcertingly consistent — that her future lay with a Jewish husband.
After ten days of sleeping together, she got her period, a fact that she announced with her habitual matter-of-factness when she came over to my apartment one evening. I told her I didn’t mind if she didn’t. She grinned. The blood spattered the sheets and the bedroom walls, got on our faces and in our hair, mixed with come and sweat. I couldn’t have cared less. At least, I didn’t care until Chana told me that when she got married to her “future Jewish husband,” she’d never have sex while menstruating. Lying on the stained bedclothes, she explained Niddah to me. When I snorted derisively at the idea of abstaining for so long because of some false notion of impurity, her voice grew sharp. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Hugo. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s how I will choose to live.” I was utterly confused.
As she sensed that I was falling for her, Chana grew blunter, often to the point of teasing cruelty. She started calling me her “goy toy,” a term I loathed as much as I loved the “sweet boy” she used all too sparingly. “It’s just because you’re my hot younger Christian lover,” Chana said, “it’s really a compliment.” Except that it didn’t feel like one. It felt like an unkind way of reminding me that what we had was not only temporary but insignificant. When I responded with petulant indignation, Chana would turn chilly and distant. The message was clear. She liked me. She certainly liked fucking me. But if I were to think for one instant that I was charming enough to override what she saw as both her identity and her destiny, I would be sent the unmistakable message that I was being a fool.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I had a great time deejaying at the Jewrotica event at Columbia University. The live readings were hilarious, informative, and in some cases, deeply moving. I know that I, along with many of my AEPi fraternity brothers, loved being able to connect our Judaism and our sexuality in a way that made all of us feel comfortable and welcome. I look forward to being a part of this again in the future!
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
What an incredible night Jewrotica was!!!! There was this fantastic moment, in a sea of Jews of all sexualities, ages, backgrounds and denominations, that I realized we were all in this together! I hope that there are many more events coming to Austin soon!
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
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