Confession #20 – The Mistress

A197 mistressconfession

Rated RWhen most people hear the word Mistress they assume: a woman involved in an illicit affair with a married man. That is not what I am.

I am a nice Jewish girl, from a good home with a good education on a rising career path. I consider myself a secular cultural Jew and a contributing member to the Jewish community around me.

I am also a Mistress, a sexual Dominant, with a bit of a Switch side as well.

I am a person who will take pleasure in making you feel things physically and mentally you didn’t know you could feel, and I will love you and care for you in a way you didn’t know existed. Yes, I walk the fine line of pain and pleasure, of torture and ecstasy and of control and freedom. But if you are part of this lifestyle you understand how deep this kind of relationship can be, a relationship that is built on an elevated level of communication and trust.

Balancing both parts of my life is not a simple task. On one hand I am the sweet girl you would love to take home to your mother. On the other I am the woman who will tie you up, blindfold and gag you, and then proceed to push your pain and pleasure limits to new heights.

I can deal with it, but can you? I would love to meet your parents and your friends and yes, Shabbat dinner sounds lovely, but can you handle me sitting at the same table with everyone, especially after what I made you do last night?

Finding a partner that can handle this is a challenge, and although there is a Jewish kinky community nearby in LA, I am still struggling to find that nice Jewish guy I have chemistry with, someone I can take home to the Kibbutz, to my mom – but who is also someone I can play with at night in the comfort of the bedroom or on the weekends at the local dungeon.

I am not willing to give up on the idea that it is possible to balance both sides, to have a Jewish home and family as well as live a kinky lifestyle away from vanilla eyes. One day one person will be that link, that connector between both sides of my life. I hope that one-day is tomorrow.

Now the next time you hear the word Mistress, I hope you don’t envision an extramarital affair, but a nice Jewish girl with an affinity for handcuffs and whips who is looking for a nice Jewish guy with a kinky spark.

– Female, 27, Long Beach (CA)

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  • Karla

    I’m sure this is possible, but the “how” is an interesting question. I wonder if it would be easier to find someone you connect with outside of the bedroom and then try to introduce the kink later. Would most men run away screaming or would they be open to it?

    • Ayo Oppenheimer

      That’s an interesting point. It might be easier to widen the dating pool by ‘dating vanilla’ first and then introduce kink, but it depends on if kink is “a want” or “a need”. If kink is “just” a want, then dating mainstream may prove easier and work nicely within someone’s risk tolerance if kink does not go over well at a later point. But, if kink is a need, then introducing this aspect only at a later point as a wild card becomes much more tricky.

      I also think that, though stereotypical, it would be easier to introduce kink into straight vanilla relationships when the woman is a submissive who wants to be dominated, rather than a dominant woman who is looking for a submissive male because of cultural messaging. Just a thought.

      An interesting essay regardless – thanks for sharing, Mistress!

      • Harry Ha

        Is there a way to contact the author of this article?

  • Dick

    We’re out there! I was blessed to find a “nice Jewish girl” that I can both go to services with and slap across the face in a sensual consensual fashion. If you’re not already on FetLife, sign up and start to meet your neighbors. You live in a major city, so the local FetLife community will provide an abundance of opportunities to find your bashert. Many people wear the Jewish badging more than their kink badging, so you should be able to spot one or two from the Tribe at your local kink events.

    • Ayo Oppenheimer

      “Many people wear the Jewish badging more than their kink badging, so you should be able to spot one or two from the Tribe at your local kink events.”

      Fascinating! Dick, perhaps you would write us an article (personal essay, musing, whatever) on the nuances of Jewish and kink badging, different symbols and their meanings, etc?

      Just a thought that our readers might find interesting!

  • zev

    Not sure how one would go about communicating with this contributor, but what she spoke about sounds like what I am looking for

  • Alex

    Obviously I’d love to connect with you, even just for community networking and because we have similar interests which are so hard to find someone to even talk about, let alone make real. You sound like a fantastic person who is balanced, open minded, realistic and very in touch with herself.

  • J.O.Q.

    I know I’m late on this list, and I’m quite a bit older than Ms. Female, but I am a man on the other side… mostly vanilla, but very curious about my submissive side. I on on the East coast not far from NYC, and I have not found a way to seek out a woman who might fit in with my interests.