Written by Noa. Noa is an experienced Jewrotica writer.
Shinui / Change can be read as a prequel to Noa’s first story, In Total Darkness.
01.THURSDAY
The baby is asleep.
She’s been asleep for the past two hours, and I’m praying silently to God that she’ll stay asleep for the next two hours, too.
I’m standing there in the living room, looking absently over the bookshelf, praying that the baby will stay asleep, when I hear the key turn in the door. I turn in that direction, automatically, my body alive and attuned to every sound and movement in the house.
I’m at the door before it opens, and as soon as she crosses the threshold, I’m kissing her, bringing her head towards mine with my right hand while closing the door with my left, then using the same hand for support and it’s almost embarrassing how desperate my kiss is. I’m devouring her mouth like I’m a hungry kid and she’s an ice cream cone, sucking and licking at the edges, savoring the flavor.
When we finally pull away, we’re both breathing hard. “You didn’t even ask if everything went okay,” she says.
I almost panic.
“Everything went fine,” she confirms, her eyes lighting up in laughter.
“Don’t tease a man like that, ” I say, but I’m smiling, and I give her a quick, chaste kiss on the lips.
We hurry to the bedroom and undress each other quickly. Our breathing is loud, heavy, aching. Laughing, I run my fingers through her damp hair, pull her in close, and warn her to keep her hands away from certain parts of my body so that it’s not all over before it starts. She gives me a wicked grin but complies, running her hands up my back and over my shoulders.
And… record scratch.
Two minutes later, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I know it’s not my fault, I heard all about postpartum hormone shifts and how they can mess with your sex life which is why some people decide to spice up their sex life with videos from websites like teenixxx.com (click here to watch), but I honestly didn’t think it would be a big deal. I had never had any doubts that I knew how to please my wife. Even on our wedding night, the two of us virgins but eager to learn, we still managed, and managed well. I’d heard all about how awkward and terrible it always was the first time, but it wasn’t. Granted, it wasn’t the highest combined orgasm count we’ve ever worked up, but she was warm and wet and moaning underneath me. And we’ve had no problems since.
As for the pregnancy… well, there is nothing physical in this world that is better than pregnancy sex, let’s leave it at that.
This is the opposite. I’m touching her between her legs just how she likes it. I know this is how she likes it because the last five hundred times I touched her exactly like this, she melted and writhed and made little noises and begged for more. But right now, all I can feel is skin and friction.
“I’m sorry,” she says, which makes me feel even worse. She carried my child inside her body for nine months, went through twelve hours of labor, pushed her out, uses her own body to nourish her, and now she’s apologizing for not being turned on.
I kiss her hair. “We’ll work it out. It’s going to be fine.”
“Maybe we should skip the foreplay and just…” Her voice trails off.
“You sure?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah. The pieces will still fit.” She coughs out a shaky laugh. “I’ve been doing my kegels, just like they say. I could probably bench press a truck with my vaginal muscles.” She pauses. “Well, maybe not a truck. Maybe just a car. Like, a Mini Cooper.”
“Nervous?” I ask, once she finishes talking.
“Why would I be nervous?”
“Exactly.” I take her hands in mine as I settle above her, and she adjusts around my hips. I start to push in, slowly. She winces.
“Let’s stop,” I say.
She winces harder this time, and her eyes get a glassy look to them.
I disentangle myself, then put my arms around her. “I’m sorry,” I say, “but listen, the night’s not over, let’s try something else.”
She nods, so I kiss my way down her body. Her arms are crossed over her belly – what is that about? – so I nip at the inside of her wrist on the way. And then I reach my destination. I start to kiss her, very softly. She exhales. Tilts her hips, like a flower reaching for the sun.
This is good. This is right.
And yet, it’s still not the same. She likes it, obviously, but something is holding her back.
“Get over here,” she says, which is not something she’s ever said before so early in this situation, but I do, and she looks at me, all vulnerability, and we fit our hips together.
I ease myself inside, and it works – but just barely. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t done this in a month and a half and it feels –
It feels different, just slightly, like when you’ve put your favorite jeans through the wash, and it takes a few wears to get it back to normal.
Is that offensive? I don’t mean it to be.
“Slow down,” she says, but I’m barely moving at all.
She adjusts her hips slightly, and I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to hold out, and I’m watching her for signs that she’s enjoying this at all but I’m coming up blank.She shifts again, and again, and then she says,
“Maybe you should just fin –”
The baby wails, and I disengage and roll away like she’s on fire, eternally grateful that she didn’t get a chance to finish that sentence, because no, never, never.
As she moves to nurse the baby, I go wash my hands, I say Shema Al Hamita, I stare at the ceiling.
When the baby is done, she stumbles back half-asleep, her eyes already closed, and she collapses onto the bed. I’m still up, in more ways than one.
It takes me a long time to fall asleep Thursday night.
02. FRIDAY
The baby is decidedly not asleep.
She was asleep during dinner. She was asleep during the ten-minute walk home. The second we walked through the door, though, she was awake – and angry.
She was swaddled. She was rocked. She was nursed. Her diaper was changed, and then she was re-swaddled.
No dice.
Now she spits up her body weight all over the bed and then starts to scream.
I feel bad for her, to tell you the truth. It must be scary to have all that food just burst up out of you like that, and you have no idea what throwing up even is. I’d scream, too.
We change her again, and burp her again, and then we let her nurse for ten minutes and switch her to the pacifier.
Once she’s down, I change the sheets and I throw the old ones in the hamper and I join my wife on the bed.
“Take two, action?” I ask.
She gives me an apologetic smile. “I’m so tired, my eyes are crossing. Tomorrow?”
Tomorrow, I say.
It takes me a long time to fall asleep Friday night, too.
03. SHABBAT
I don’t sleep on Shabbos afternoon. We have guests for lunch, the kind who like to talk. And sing. Not that I don’t like talking and singing, but after the night I had, I could really use a nap.
We get off to a good start Saturday night, and I think we may be about to break the streak.
However, we’re still fully dressed when the baby starts to cry, and a few minutes into the nursing session, my eyelids start to droop.
“Wake me up when she falls back asleep,” I say, and I succumb to exhaustion.
The last thing I hear is a muttered, “Oh, that classic pick-up line, seducing young women since the dawn of time.”
I’m not surprised when the next time I wake up, it’s Sunday and the sun is shining.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
You may not tell your mom that you’re going to a live Jewrotica reading (or whatever clever name you will dub these events) but you will tell your friends. However, both would be jealous if they find out that they missed it. I think it will only be a matter of time before Jewrotica helps us reclaim the term “Dirty Jew” the way rap music has done for “The ‘N’ Word.” I know I am now proud to be a Dirty Jew!
Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!
I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!
Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
Such an amazing experience! The Sarah Lawrence Jewrotica workshop was more than I could have ever expected – a comfortable, safe, sultry environment where participants clearly felt good about sharing or listening to each other’s intimate experiences and relating them to sexy stories from the Torah. From the moment the workshop began, Ayo had a sweet presence that was kinetic and spread around the room; her storytelling abilities had everyone enraptured and made the conversation topics relata… Read more
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
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