Dear Jewrotica #4 – Masturbation

By Dear Jewrotica on March 21, 2013

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Dear Jewrotica Staff Responses2

Elissa Shevinsky

Your situation is more common than you may realize. Whether it’s getting used to wearing a condom or feeling pressure to perform, it can sometimes be easier to just rub one out yourself. Jewish sexuality – at least as the rabbis discuss it – is very much about making your partner happy. Your partner probably just wants to feel normal and know that you’re into her. If you make sure she feels special, you guys can probably work out who comes when and how. 😉 Plus, this could be a blessing in disguise. A guy who can go all night can be more valuable than pearls.

Elissa is a content partner and the founder of the new free Jewish dating site, JSpot. Check it out!

Leora Flax

How would you feel about involving your partner in your masturbation practices? Watch porno together on sites like lxtube.com and masturbate together. From there, you can slowly start to include her. She can take over for you in masturbation, you can get each other off. If she’s into it, you might even try roleplay: act out your fantasy or favorite porn and see how it feels.

Above all, stay calm and keep talking–if you put lots of pressure on yourself to achieve orgasm during sex, you may freak out and get in your own way. Also, assure your partner often that it’s nothing personal at ALL, and that you find her very attractive and sexy. Make sure she’s open and on board for anything you may want to try, so that everyone is comfortable AND sexually satisfied. Good luck!

David Abitbol

I agree with Elissa and Leora. I just want to add that sometimes, difficulty in achieving orgasm during sex might be a side effect of psychological or physiological issues. For instance, certain prescription drugs like antidepressants make it more difficult to for men to get to O Town. If you are taking medication, talk to your physician to see if these might be the cause of your issues. In other cases, difficulty in achieving orgasm might be related to intimacy issues, in which case a good sex therapist can help you with personalized strategies aimed at building up intimacy with your partner. For instance, if your partner is up for it, you may want to try using porn and masturbating and then, just before climaxing, you may want to try having sex to fruition. Done with care and sensitivity this can help a great deal.

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Dear Jewrotica is an advice column hosted by the Jewrotica staff. We answer questions about sex, sexual health, relationships, romance and other topics as they relate to the Jewish community, culture and tradition. Confidentiality is respected, and we'll do our best to tackle your questions with knowledge, sensitivity and tact.

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At Jewrotica’s Evening of Bedside Readings, students declaimed monologues on sexual encounters that had a Jewish twist. At Columbia/Barnard Hillel, the speakers pushed their own boundaries by performing a range of explicit narratives that challenged how the audience thought of the relationship to Judaism and sex. During the speakers’ preparation, the arguments about which narratives would be appropriate forced students to take a stand and voice their opinion on their own beliefs about Judaism an… Read more

Engagement Coordinator at Columbia University / Barnard Hillel

Jewrotica is something that the community has needed for a long time so that people can actually learn, express and share and have good relationships without having to stumble through life. Check out the site and learn something. Have fun!

Josh Kaplan, Jewish Community Organizer in Orange County, CA

Jewrotica was everything I had dreamed of and more: sexy attendees, tantalizing confessions, and well-written literature to boot! More importantly, it empowers us Jews to reach inside and own our sexy selves and heritage!

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Learning about sex and what’s right and wrong when it comes to sex from a Biblical standpoint was an eye opening experience. I completely enjoyed it and think something like this could be a very cool thing to bring to even high school aged Jewish youth groups.

Hannah S., A Student at SUNY Purchase

Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!

Shimon Weiss, Wine Maker in Agua Dolce, CA

Bedside Reading with Jewrotica was funny, sexy, and hot all at once. The readings were honest about all kinds of sexuality, but the highlight of the evening was definitely the confessions, written by audience participants. Nobody knew who wrote them, and most were tell-alls that would make your bubbe blush. Unless your bubbe was very, very cool. Then maybe she’d make YOU blush!

Dan Young, Architect from Flagstaff AZ and Jewish Community Leader in Austin TX

Jewrotica is awesome. It expands the mind and for people who were raised with narrow views on sexuality. Whether you are Jewish or not, or in different sects of Judaism like Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, no matter what your background or where you’re from, Jewrotica gets you to see Judaism and how it relates to sexuality in new ways. I really appreciate Ayo being here and helping us learn different ways to connect with our sexuality.

Vanessa Steiner, Young Professional in Southern California

My opinion on Jewrotica is: It’s sexy. It’s awesome. It’s Judaism to the next level. It’s what we should all be getting into!

Michael Lunzer, Student and Entrepreneur in Jerusalem, Israel

I attended and participated in last month’s Jewrotica event. The engaging performers and Ayo, our inviting host, inspired the audience to feel like one big community. What a great way to inspire our community to embrace sex as a beautiful thing that can be fun, exciting, sacred, sensual, ridiculous, scary and everything in between!

Sabrina Must, Author and Jewish Educator from Baltimore MD

While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.

Leora, Young Professional from Washington DC
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Dear Jewrotica #4 – Masturbation

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