Dating Absurdities – The Juggling Act and Is It Ever Too Much?

A102 juggling act

Written by Sarah. Sarah is a first-time Jewrotica writer.

Rated PGAfter ending a long-term relationship, I decided to jump back into the dating scene full force. I’ve never been one for scenes of any sort, but – given my tendency toward serial monogamy – I figured it was best to take advantage of this open window to indulge in the company of a handful of different men.

And indulge, I do! My typical day looks like this: Work in the morning, take lunch outside, work in the afternoon, attend rehearsal for my dance company at night… and then squeeze in a date before heading to bed. Sometimes it feels a bit excessive (I went on five “dates” in the past four days with five different men), and I totally don’t want to keep up this pace (it’s hard to keep everyone’s family members and life stories straight!), but generally it’s been lovely.

They are all quality folks who know that I am not looking for a steady relationship and I do my best – in addition to enjoying myself – to be the best date they’ve ever had by focusing all my attention on them, being totally present, smiling and – as 1950s as this sounds – making myself as beautiful as possible for them for the evening. I probably need to put in less effort with people in whom I am not continually interested so as to send clearer messages, but my dates always leave feeling kind of high on life and with boosted confidence (and we’re talking about a PG evening here!), so that’s good.

Anyway… last weekend, I attend a Shabbat dinner and meet this cute guy named Jake who coordinates a Jewish learning program on the Upper West Side. We hit it off, and a handful of us walked over to a local apartment to meet up with friends at the oneg (which is kind of like a Shabbat dinner after-party). Jake and I chat a bit more, he lends me one of his Jewish books for reading and – without missing a beat – sends me an e-mail the next day saying how nice it was to meet me, how he’d love to see me again soon and all this complimentary stuff.

I’m not such a quick e-mail responder and try to stay off the computer on Shabbat, so I don’t write back right away. But then Jake texts me on Sunday morning to see if I’m free and would like to go out together that evening. It seems like he’s super in to me if he’s sending an e-mail and a text the very next day, so I write back and we spend the afternoon exchanging texts. I decide to re-arrange my schedule to see him late Sunday night (after my Sunday afternoon date, which was a tennis lesson). I get all dolled up, go out front to meet him, open the car door and… it’s not him!!!

I repeat: TOTALLY not my guy.

But I know the dude and I remember that I’ve hung out with him at Jewish communal events before and then it hits me… Jake. This guy is also Jake, and he too grabbed my number at the Shabbat oneg to get together sometime.

I spend the next half hour laughing at myself because I totally did not intend on giving Jake #2 the time of day, but by virtue of his name, he “got lucky” and snagged an evening out with me! (His text had said “Hey Sarah! It’s Jake. It was so great hanging out last night, etc.” so of course I thought it was the first one.)

Anyway, it was clearly meant to be because – in addition to having a funny story – this Jake #2 ends up being really interesting and we have an awesome evening exploring parts of the city where I had never been.

I don’t know what my “lesson learned” is. Maybe that I should be more open-minded about giving people a first chance? Maybe that I should be dating fewer guys? But, until one snags me for that destined monogamous relationship, I’m going to keep on enjoying the hours of 9PM to midnight and keeping my eyes open for new lessons learned.

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  • Gary

    This was rated PG?? On the basis of what? If I had read this when I was 13 I would have died of boredom…is this what the rating system is designed to protect kids from?

    • Hi Gary,

      I’m not sure what your point is. If you are asking how we determine what each piece should be rated, the rating descriptions are available here: http://jewrotica.org/the-good-stuff/

      If you are commenting that you don’t find this piece particularly exciting, so be it. That’s what makes a market. Perhaps you’d find one of our Rated R pieces more titillating?

  • karmababe

    It is good that you saw the humor in the situation and decided to make a good time of it-!
    If I sign this post “Jake”, do I get to snag a date as well? 🙂

  • Chaim

    ah-technology is ever present-very nice story-as far as ratings go-I have been studying rating systems for years and still do not have a totally scientific method of determining where any writing, photo, film would fit. Still subjective. But back to the story-I could see how easy this would be and I imagine it is going to get more complex (worse or better or both)