A Letter to My Daughter About Fighting Back

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Letter to STS Daughter 1

Written by Sarah Tuttle-Singer.  Sarah is Jewrotica’s social media guru.  This article originally appeared on Kveller.

To My Darling Daughter,  PG-13

I watch your eyes glow when the kids in preschool want to play with you. I see how it matters to you what they say and how they smile.

I watch your bottom lip tremble when someone hurts your feelings.

And I watch you on the playground–your face flushed, and your breath staggered as you chase the child that was mean to you. I know you, and I know you are blaming yourself for their bad behavior.

I know you are trying to get a second chance at friendships not worth having.

You are so much like me that it takes my breath away.

Please. Don’t be this way.

And this is why I am telling you this story–in bits and pieces. Starting now, and ending when you’re older and we can sit down together over a glass of wine and really talk.

Before I met your father, I lived with someone else.

Things were very, very good–we’d eat Chinese takeout together and watch The Simpsons. We’d go for walks at midnight, holding hands and watching our breath mingle in the piercing night. We’d share a lemon chicken hot dog with sauerkraut, and smoke a bowl, and laugh and laugh and laugh.

We shared an apartment with big windows facing the San Francisco Bay. If you stood on the arm of the couch, you could see the Bay Bridge. I hung Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” over our bed. We were going to get married. We were going to have children.

And then, two years later, something changed.

It wasn’t subtle. It wasn’t slow. It was an immediate about-face that started one night–although I can’t remember how. Something about money? Something about work?

But it happened. A cruelness slithered across his face, and took hold. And I was stunned to respond. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could fix him.

But it got worse. Because it always gets worse.

 Continue reading…

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Social media guru of Jewrotica, Sarah Tuttle-Singer is a writer for the Times of Israel and Huffington Post. Sarah lives in Israel with her two children and is - in her own words - quite dangerous when bored.
  • Sarah, this is powerful and you are SO strong. That girl is lucky to have you as her mother, and we are lucky to have you on our team. Thank you for sharing your story with us. xo

  • Anonymous Internet Commenter

    This is a devastating read. Good on you, Ms Tuttle-Singer. You’re pretty inspirational.

  • Banana

    This is such a difficult position you were put in. I’m so glad that you were able to get through it and you’re a wonderful role model for your children.

  • Moved

    What a powerful story. It always surprises me when people who are in abusive relationships stay in them for long periods of time, but after many conversations with friends I am starting to understand how and why that happens. It is so important for you to be sharing your message with your daughter. I am impressed by your honesty.

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