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Kiruv

By on October 29, 2012
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Kiruv 2

So there they were, Shmuley and Esther, driving off to a Jewish nudist colony in the Berkshires. There was no internet and questionable cellphone reception. Esther had worn her most modest outfit, as if to shield herself from the nakedness of her soon-to-be neighbors. When they got there, Shmuley was greeted by a man whose grey beard and hair flowed down to his knees. “I’m Al”, he said, extending his hand to Shmuley – knowing enough, Shmuley noticed, not to extend Esther the same courtesy. The house was nice enough: It had a guest bedroom and bathroom, and the dining room was big enough to host shabbat meals.

That first week at shul, Shmuley gave a speech about the Garden: “God’s first words to man are, “Eat from all the fruits of the garden”. Why? Because God created man to take pleasure from the treasures of this world. But, God also said, “Do not eat from the tree of knowledge”, for we are commanded to take pleasure within the confines of God’s commandments – commandments that can help us channel our physical needs into a meaningful life, which is ultimately the most pleasurable thing of all.” Afterwards, all forty of the community’s members came over for dinner. Esther refused to look any of the guests in the eye; she kept on swerving to avoid coming into contact with the naked bodies, at one point spilling chicken soup all over her favorite dress.

Still, things were going well: By the end of the month, Shmuley had twenty people attending his Friday night shindigs, and ten coming to his lectures about “Experiencing the Divine: Parsha through Yoga” that he gave during the week. He met with Al the night before, and together, they would discuss which yoga moves corresponded to which midrashim. During the lectures, Al would demonstrate, which is just as well because Shmuley could not remember the last time he had used his hips in public.

Esther seemed slightly more withdrawn and still kept looking down whenever she addressed the neighbors (which didn’t make any sense – wasn’t that precisely were the forbidden things were located?), but Shmuley was sure she’d come around – after all, it had taken him six months of marriage to convince her to give him a blow-job. Sometimes, she still refused to swallow.

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Shayna is a native Manhattanite whose interests include Torah, human rights, and poetry. An avid procrastinator, Shayna spends most of her time on Facebook, or watching any game involving the Brazilian soccer team. Brasil para Mundial 2014!
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