III: What to Expect When You’re Interfaith-Dating
Expect to explain everything.
Expect that your Orthodox friends will alienate him—b’shogeg, but still—by talking about the Agudah and Moshava and a recent date at Pardes until he breaks in, very politely, with an “um … what?” Expect to become a whispering translator, adept at sneaking a quick explanation in the lull between conversational topics. (Simple conversations spiral into endless tangents of explication, an assault of verbal hyperlinks.) Expect palpable discomfort when he realizes that his instinctively proffered handshake just made your female friend feel super awkward. Expect to feel like the worst teacher on the planet, torn between your own post-Orthodoxy and your desire to make Judaism seem like it makes sense.
Expect to feel like a jerk when you hear the condescension in your own voice as you embark on a conversational Hebrew lesson: “Eizeh tzeva zeh?” (“what color is this?) you ask, pointing at a nearby car and wincing. You sound like a kindergarten teacher. To his credit, he says only “adom,” (red) and asks you to hand him his “mishkafei shemesh” (sunglasses).
When contemplating your future together, expect anguish. When wondering how to explain this to your parents: expect to fudge, to omit, to prevaricate. Expect lie after lie to pile on you until you are Atlas, struggling under the weight of this huge, fake world that you have built for your parents to live in, the world in which you went on all those vacations with your friend “Arianne.” The world in which you live with your friend “Ramona.” The world in which you just aren’t dating right now, thank you.
Expect those lies to hurt more and more every time you mouth them.
My parents know that I am not exactly Orthodox, but under their roof, I maintain strict adherence to ritual, out of tradition and respect. Beliefs are thornier: ungovernable and private. It is only when they spill out, becoming reified and obvious, that they are a problem. “Q” is six feet and 150 pounds of Problem. He is a choice that I made. There is no way to pretend he isn’t there.
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
Celebrating 10 Years & Marking the End of An Amazing Project
I’m so glad that Jewrotica is represented here at Jewlicious! It’s bringing voices that need to be heard in the Jewish discussion and Jewish climate environment.
I’m into Jewrotica. I went in for my second circumcision.
I love the inclusiveness – there is something for everyone, in and out of the Jewish community.
I’m Heshy Fried from Frum Satire and I am very, very frum. And I completely support Jewrotica – it’s doing a service to the frum community. We need some sort of kosher sexual education. Jewrotica even has a system that allows frum filters to filter out certain things to make it PG for us. It’s mamish Torah. It’s like The Little Midrash Says for sex.
Such an amazing experience! The Sarah Lawrence Jewrotica workshop was more than I could have ever expected – a comfortable, safe, sultry environment where participants clearly felt good about sharing or listening to each other’s intimate experiences and relating them to sexy stories from the Torah. From the moment the workshop began, Ayo had a sweet presence that was kinetic and spread around the room; her storytelling abilities had everyone enraptured and made the conversation topics relata… Read more
While many people fear the “sex talk,” Jewrotica offers an opportunity for writers and audiences to speak about sexuality in a open and safe space. When I attended a Jewrotica reading, I heard stories that reminded me that love takes many forms, and that expressing it is a vital part of who we are as a people.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to be a part of this. I was glad to open up the topic of sexuality in my community. We are trying to build a safe space to talk about sex. The result I am most happy about coming from this event is that hopefully now my friends know they can come and talk to me, that I can be their ‘safe space’.
Jewrotica is inspiring Jews and erotica with holiness and coolness, and is the pride of progressive Judaism. Jewrotica – awesome!
The Jewrotica event “Evening of Jewrotica: Bedside Reading” was awesome. As Master of Confessions, I got to read the deepest, darkest secrets of people in the room out loud… It was scintillating, titillating, and – yes – even educational!
Jewrotica is a great way to ask interesting questions about the interplay between sensuality and Jewish wisdom. Check it out.
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